


MPREG28 - AMANTO PARASITIC VIRUS #245

by romanticia



Category: Gintama
Genre: A little, Amanto - Freeform, BL, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Fluff, GinHijiGin, Gintoki has a little, Gintoki/Hijikata - Freeform, Hijikata is sorta submissive though he'd never admit it bc i mean pregnancy and Gintoki is bae, Hormones, Hurt/Comfort, I just had to, I'm Sorry, M/M, Mpreg, Nightmares, OC, OOC, Original Character(s), Out of Character, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Shinsengumi - Freeform, Strings - Freeform, Training, a little bit of stalking, and hijikata still has feelings for mitsuba, but we all love him imean, gintoki tops, male hormones, male pregnancy hormones, maybe a little smut idk, sadists, sougo is a lil shit, soul mates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-10
Updated: 2015-07-12
Packaged: 2018-03-22 03:13:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3712696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanticia/pseuds/romanticia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A new Amanto virus has spread around Edo, MPREG28. That's right, male pregnancy. And that's not the worst part.<br/>With this parasite virus, you can get pregnant without having sex. . . Without even touching.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 'Kagura get this goddamn string off me!'

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry! I know that male pregnancy is like the bane of everyone's existence but I just had to!  
> Anyways, pregnant Hijikata is bae.
> 
> This chapter is slow at first, just an introduction of what is going on and what's going to happen.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of Strings and things

 

Rain poured onto the Yorozuya flat, the constant drumming of the rain drops hitting the roof and everything around it giving everyone either a headache or putting them to sleep. The rain did nothing to cool the heat, it only made it more humid, causing everyone's (Gintoki's in particular) hair to frizz up. Their were only a few people walking about outside, because who would want to walk about in this weather? It only made everyone more cranky and easily irritated, or in the Yorozuya household, lazier and even more unmotivated to work.

Gintoki sighed, flipping another page of his Jump. Kagura sighed as well, and flopped onto the back of Sadaharu, who was lying about like a goddamn useless fat ball of fur, and Shinpachi was cooking in the kitchen like the dutiful housewife he was.

It was, all in all, an absolutely normal day for them.

"Gin-chan, why is it so hot-aru? It's only early April, and it's raining so much-aru," Kagura whined from her spot on Sadaharu. Gintoki was, in the back of his head, glad that she had the energy to complain, because when the temperature got high enough, she wouldn't even have the energy to whine, something about her Yato blood that she hated at times. But mostly he was annoyed at her whining. Whine whine, whine whine, that's all she'd been doing ever since it started raining.

"I wonder," Gintoki mumbled, absent minded, trying to enjoying this week's edition of Jump.

Shinpachi, exiting the kitchen, sighed at the two's laziness. "Well, you know what they say, April's showers bring May flowers," he said optimistically, trying to improve their moods.

Kagura brightened a little, her natural feminine instincts (did she even have some? Gintoki wondered) causing her to smile at the thought of flowers. Or the bugs that inevitably came with flowers, he didn't know. She looked up from her burrowing hole. "Ne, Gin-chan, you know there's this really rare Amanto flower that only blooms during May in Hokkaido? We should go and see if we can find it when it's time, okay-aru? It's worth a lot and if we sell it on the black market, maybe then we could eat something other than egg on rice for once-aru."

Gintoki scoffed. "You just want an excuse to roll around in a bunch of flowers and make us wear ugly flower crowns and take pictures to blackmail us with," Gintoki accused. "Don't think you can get away with that shit. I'm onto you." Gintoki flipped another page. He stuck his pinkie in his nose, ignoring Shinpachi's call of 'Don't curse!' from the kitchen.

"That's not true-aru!" Kagura protested. "I just-" She was shut up by a piece of sukonbu being thrown at her face.

"Eat that and shut up. I'm at a really god spot." He flipped another page.

Kagura gasped in happiness. She settled down again and quietly munched on her treat while Shinpachi sighed.

"Come on now, Kagura. We're going to be eating soon so you shouldn't snack right now, it'll spoil your appetite."

Gintoki and Kagura scoffed in unison, both looking up at him with their pinkies in their noses. "Shinpachi, I would expect that after living with her for so many years, you'd realize that her stomach is a bottomless pit." Kagura made a noise of agreement. Shinpachi closed his eyes.

"I guess that's true. Anyway, let's turn on the TV and see if the news is on."

"It isn't," Gintoki replied, flipping another page. "It's that cheap Ketsuno Ana knockoff doin' her weather report." Kagura nodded in agreement.

"Um, that's really creepy how you know that," Shinpachi mumbled. "Anyways, it would be good to know when this rain will stop," Shinpachi said, turning on the TV.

 _"--And Kabukichou is completely drenched,_ " the not-Ketsuno-Ana weather reporter was saying. _"It's very hot for this time of the year, and the rain is causing a lot of humidity. The rain will stop in a few hours around mid-afternoon. But, you know what they say, April showers bring May flowers!_ " The reporter finished her last sentence with a cute smile.

"Cheh," Gintoki scoffed. "Ketsuno Ana is much cuter."

Shinpachi rolled his eyes. "Hai, hai."

As the news started, Gintoki zoned out. He read one page, two page, three page, until he finished the edition of Jump. As he tossed his book onto the table, something on the TV caught his attention.

" _We have more news on the MPREG28 virus that's been going around coming from a specialist in Amanto viruses. Dr. Tokugawa will explain more about it. Dr. Tokugawa?_ "

Mpreg? Gintoki watched curiously, interested, though he gave no indication of it on the outside. A dark haired middle aged man came up on screen, with a pair of thin glasses like Shinpachi's and a slight goatee. He looked tired, but confident.

_"Hai, good evening everyone. As you may have already heard, MPREG28, or AMANTO PARASITIC VIRUS #245 is a parasite that causes male pregnancy, between two  males._

_"After studying for the last five months we have found it to be a parasite that latches onto certain people, collects their sperm, and crawls towards another person, the one who carries the child, leaving a red string only the one who gives the sperm, called the seme, can see. The person whom the parasite crawls too is the one who becomes pregnant, or the uke, in today's terms._ _As the first case of this virus appeared only five months ago, there is still a lot to be_ _learned."_

_"Hmm, I see. What are these red strings, Dr. Tokugawa?"_

_"I have not been able to do any tests on them as they are only visible to the semes of the gay couples, however from what I have heard they seem to be thin, red strings that are a lot like laser beams. They come from the area above the heart and disappear into the uke's stomach, where the fetus is to be exact fetus._

_"They do not touch any other objects except the uke and seme, miraculously avoiding all other people, materials, or substances. They are not visible to anyone but the seme and can stretch for miles upon miles, the longest currently recorded is 752 miles. As for when during the pregnancy they are seen, that differs for each couple. Some have reported seeing it during the fifth month, others just a couple days after the uke was impregnanted."_

_"What about the uke? Do they have some sort of string, or something to allow them to find the seme?"_

_"As far as I can know right now, no. The uke will just randomly, one day, start growing a fetus, with no way of knowing whose child it is. No ukes have been able to see the strings or infected with the parasite, only the seme."_

_"That must be quite scary for the uke, not knowing whose child it is. Do they have to have any sexual intimacy, or anything of the likes, or even anything at all?"_

_"No, no touching, neither sexually nor platonically. They might never have met before whatsoever."_

_"Hmm...Who is affected? All males?"_

_"From what I can tell so far, males who have established families - kids, wife and so on or partners whom they are serious about will not be affected. However males who claim to not be homosexual are also being affected, as well as men in unhappy or forced marriages. So far there have been 63 divorces because of this parasite. Not all males are at risk, only close to 5% of the population as of right now."_

_"And how are these couples chosen? Do the parasites choose any uke as the seme's partner?"_

_"I have tried very hard to find the answer to this question, and as of right now only have a couple theories.. However, so far from what I learned from talking to other Amanto and humans in the galaxy is that there is an Amanto story that this parasite was meant to be a gift from a powerful being far away to an unspecified lonely Amanto king to find his soul mate, and had no ill intentions._

_"The King was overjoyed, this parasite ensured that he would find his partner and that they would have a child. When he learned his partner was male, he refused to accept him, though he did eventually, and the parasite, after giving them a child infested a space traveler who passed it onto many other planets, and eventually it reached Earth.  Another variation of this parasite is currently in space, giving two females children, rather than two males, though that has yet to reach Earth."_

_"Soul mate, you say?"_

_"It is but a theory, I would like to have more information to prove it but as of right now it is the most plausible."  
_

_"I'd love to ask you more Dr. Tokugawa, but we are out of time. Thank you for speaking with us today."_

_"My pleasure. My last message to everyone is that if you are a seme, please confront your uke immediately in order to avoid unnecessary pain and trouble. Good bye."_

Dr. Tokugawa's picture left the screen.

_"That was Dr. Tokugawa, specialist in Amanto parasites and viruses talking to us about the MPREG28 Parasite that's been infecting people recently. We will be speaking again with him at the same time tomorrow, so tune in for updates. Next we have a story about a cat which--"_

Kagura stretched. Shinpachi sat back down after closing the TV and went to bring out the food from the kitchen. Gintoki sat down with Kagura at the table, his thoughts going wild.

 _'I won't get affected by this parasite-virus thing, ne? I like girls, right? Ah shit, why am I doubting my sexuality?'_ His thoughts were cut off by Kagura.

"Gin-chan, how do two guys have sex?"

Shinpachi, who was walking in through the door at that moment, nearly tripped and dropped the plates over the floor, luckily Sadaharu was there for him to fall against, keeping him upright. Gintoki's face had paled considerably.

"I've been wondering about it for a while-aru. Where do you put it in? And who puts it in? Does it feel good?"

Shinpachi blushed heavily, his cheeks a dark red. "K-Kagura-chan! Women definitely should not ask about that sort of t-thing! A-and why were you wondering about those sorts of things in the f-first place?!"

"S-Shinpachi's right, Kagura-chan. T-there are certain things its better not to ask or know about, m'kay?"

". . . Okay-aru."

 

Needless to say, dinner was extremely awkward that night.

                                                                       

 

                                                                        

 

 

Hijikata glared at his Shinsengumi subordinates in front of him. Kondou sat at his right and Sougo was on Kondou's other side. His arm was bandaged up, as well as his forehead and upper torso. He grimaced to hide the pain when he arm started stinging again, because of those damned Joui members he was standing in front of the Shinsengumi all bandaged up. How embarrassing. Hijikata hated looking weak in front of his subordinates. "Got it? I expect you all to memorize all of the names and faces of the people on the handouts by tonight. If you don't it's seppuku for you."

His subordinates began protesting, and Kondou put a hand up to quiet them. "Come on, calm down. The first five pages contain the people who attacked Toshi last night, and the rest are guys we should have captured ages ago, like Katsura, so it's only the first five pages you need to memorize."

Some guy in the back raised his hand like a dutiful student. "But if they attacked Fukuchou, doesn't that mean they are already dead?"

Hijikata scowled. "Shut up! Most of them are dead but just in case they made it out alive or were rescued or something, you should know them, got it?" he snarled defensively.

"H...Hai." he let out a whimper-like noise.

"Anyways, meeting dismi--"Hijikata's eyes widened. Within a second he was running out the door, leaving everyone confused.

"Fukuchou?" Yamazaki asked.

"Toshi? What's wrong?" Kondou walked out of the meeting room to find Hijikata kneeled over in the grass, throwing up.

"TOSHI! What's wrong?!" Kondou yelled, immediately worried. He ran over to his side, Sougo walking over behind them. Yamazaki was quick to follow Kondou and the rest of the Shinsengumi piled out after him like a herd of sheep, worried about their demon Vice Captain.

After he finished spilling his guts, someone handed him a water bottle. He dry heaved a little but nothing more came out, so he took a tentative sip.

"I'm fine, just felt really bad for a moment there." Kondou helped him up, Yamazaki on his other side. Sougo who was worried as well, though he would never admit it, sighed ever so slightly in relief.

"You should go lie down," Kondou suggested, and Hijikata wanted to protest, but when he took a step and stumbled, feeling dizzy, he agreed, confused as hell.

_'What the hell just happened? It wasn't like I  have a fever, I just needed to throw up... where did that come from?'_

 

 

 

 

                                                                         ~~  
~~

 

 

 

Gintoki woke up, and yawned. He scratched his stomach and picked his nose for a moment before sitting up. He looked down for a moment. When he did so, he screamed.

 

"GAAH! Kagura! Get this goddamn string off me!"

 

 


	2. The mouth is the gate of misfortune

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Gintoki follows the string

 

Gintoki looked at the two of them.

Shinpachi looked slightly horrified, slightly worried, but mostly shocked. And Kagura... looked happy and excited for reasons Gintoki couldn't possibly fathom. The tea which Shinpachi brewed was turning cold, though nobody had even touched it.

After a long and awkward silence in which they all avoided each others gazes, Shinpachi cleared his throat. "Um...Gin-san... You really have one of those red string things?" Shinpachi tentatively asked.

". . . Yeah. . ."

"YEAH! ALL RIGHT! I'M GOING TO BE AN AUNT!" Kagura cheered. Gintoki and Shinpachi blanched.

"Kagura-chan! Not so loud, 'kay? The whole world doesn't need to know! And definitely not the neighbours!" Gintoki tried quieting her, but she wasn't having any of that.

"WHO'S THE MOTHER?"

"Kagura! Wait. . . she has a valid question there Gin-san. Who is the mother?" Shinpachi blushed a little, looking nervous, and Gintoki whitened.

"N-n-nobody on this side of Kabukichou, for sure," he quickly tried to make it clear that it wasn't Shinpachi to the both of them. He saw Shinpachi's shoulder's sag with relief and his did the same.

"Aww, I was hoping that it would be Shinpachi-aru," Kagura whined. Shinpachi turned a dark, furious red and Gintoki blushed a little as well, but mostly paled from shock.

"K-K-Kagura!! S-Shut u-u-up!. . . W-What are. . . Y-Y. . ." Shinpachi stammered, unable to form any coherent thoughts or phrases. Gintoki tried to cover for him.

"Kagura-chan, if that ever happened, Otae would literally rip off my balls," he tried to get her to see why that would be a bad idea. "You want to have lots of nieces and nephews, right? . . . Also I don't want my children to have glasses. Or be wimps. Or have dark hair, I mean they would be called Pube-head if they got my perm. . ." Shinpachi had calmed down during Gintoki's short ramble and took over for him after sipping his pretty cold tea.

"Right, Kagura. Besides, why do you even want Gintoki to have children? They would probably be nothing but permy, lazy, dead-fish eyed brats who always get into trouble and eat a lot of sweets," Shinpachi said, looking at Kagura. Gintoki unashamedly nodded in agreement with everything Shinpachi said.

"But don't you think Gin-babies would be cute? And they'd be easy to take care of as long as they ate their sweets, and I could be their onee-chan. . . Gin-chan, I want your babies to have blue eyes," Kagura demanded, disregarding everything they said to dissuade her.

"Um. . . I don't think I can control that. . ." Gintoki gave up. _'Gin-babies, she said.'_

Shinpachi sighed. "Anyways, how did you know that your. . . um. . . uke. . .wasn't on this side of Kabukichou?" he asked, changing the topic.

"When I stood by the window I saw it stretching far away, but he might have been shopping or at a bar or something," he scratched his head.

"If it isn't Shinpachi then who is it?" Kagura asked the dreaded question.

"W-well. . . I have no idea," Kagura and Shinpachi thought about that.

"Gin-san, the doctor on the news yesterday said it might be someone you've never even seen before," Shinpachi unhelpfully said.

Gintoki sighed. "I know, but that's not what I'm worried about. If it's a stranger, then its okay, I can talk to them and work somethin' out. But if it's someone I know. . ." he trailed off. Kagura thought for a moment.

"If it's someone who knows Gintoki, they would probably kill themselves if they knew they were carrying his child," she said unhelpfully threw in.

Shinpachi nodded in agreement. Gintoki nodded as well, fully agreeing.

"Yeah. . . But I have a feeling, for some reason, that it is someone I know," Gintoki looked at his string. It was thin, and a brilliant shade of a bright red. Gintoki couldn't feel it or touch it, when he tried he simply passed his hand through air. It was currently going through the door the main door outside.

"Ne, Pattsuan, didn't the doctor on the news say that the strings didn't touch anything but the seme's heart and uke's stomach? That it avoided all other things?" he asked. The kids turned towards him.

"Yeah, that's what it said."

Gintoki thought about it. "But mine seems to be going right through stuff," he said, looking down. Kagura jumped up and stuck her hand right in front of his heart, where the string was coming from.

"Gin-chan, how about now-aru? Is it going through my hand-aru?"

Gintoki looked closely. "Yeah, right into your hand and straight out the other side."

"Hmm," Shinpachi thought about it. "I guess that must differ between couples or something."

Gintoki lied down on the sofa. Now that the original shock was over, he was back to normal.

"Anyway, I'll go follow the string. . . later on."

Shinpachi sighed. "Gin-san! Don't be so irresponsible! You should be a mature adult and go follow the string as soon as possible! Think about your uke! They must be terrified, having a child out of the blue even though they are a male, and their seme isn't even showing up! At least talk to your uke Gin-san," Shinpachi scolded him.

Gintoki rolled over so that he was facing the sofa, so that his back was facing the kids. Or, to be specific, Shinpachi's nagging.

"Anyways, let's try thinking of possibilities of who your uke might be," Shinpachi gave up on the hopeless case that was Gintoki.

"It could be Madao," Kagura chimed after a moment.

Gintoki flinched.

After the 'Scandal Arc' in which he realized that he may have fucked Hasegawa, _slept with a Madao,_ he definitely did not want to think about that. It wasn't that he was homophobic, he did have moments where he thought other guys were cute or sexy and wouldn't mind bedding them, but the thought of sleeping with _Hasegawa_ horrified him to no extent.

"Nope, next," he automatically replied.

"Hm? Why?" Shinpachi asked, not understanding why he would dismiss him just like that. He took a sip of the tea.

"N-No reason. My instinct tells me so," he tried to play it cool in order to avoid any suspicion, but when he rolled over he found them both staring at him with suspicious looks. "Anyways, lets continue."

"Ah, I know-aru! It could be Zura-aru!" Kagura seemed really excited. Alarmingly so.

Gintoki thought about that. "I really, really wan' to say no, but that's actually a possibility," he mumbled. Of course Kagura heard every single word and took it as ' _Yes, I'd love for him to carry my child.'_

"Zura isn't so bad-aru! He's really pretty when he cross-desses-aru! And you guys are old friends-aru! It's like my soap that I was watching yesterday! ' _Childhood friends turned lovers'_ '-aru!"

Gintoki thought about it. "Yeah, I wouldn' mind it if he dressed up as a female 24/7. But his empty head is hard to make up for." Kagura had no reply to that.

"How about Saigo-san-aru?" She said after a moment.

Shinpachi spit out the tea in his mouth.

Gintoki choked on his spit.

Kagura was laughing like a hyena at their reactions.

"K-KAGURA-CHAN!" Shinpachi yelled after he composed himself. "Males, Kagura, males! Not trannies, and especially not trannies with kids!"

After they calmed down --Gintoki almost had a heart attack and it took two mini cartons of strawberry milk for his heart to stop pounding-- they continued.

"Kyuubei-aru?"

"She's a female."

"Takasugi-aru?"

"He's in space right now."

"Pappy-aru?"

" . . .Kagura it worries me extremely that you are suggesting your father."

She was quiet for a moment. "How about Elizabeth-aru?"

"I have no response to that. Gin-san?"

"Absolutely not."

"Oh! That ninja with Sacchan, what was his name-aru? Hatori?" Gintoki scowled, thinking of the prank he pulled on him.

"If it's him, I don' care if it's my child I will kill it."

"Gin-san! Don't say such despicable things!"

 "Oh! What about the other permy guy? The one with the laugh? Sakamoto-aru?" _'The one with the laugh, she said.'_

"He's also in space."

Kagura was quiet for a moment before she started laughing.

"What is it Kagura-chan?" Gintoki braced himself for whoever she would say next.

"I forgot about the Shinsengumi," she said between laughs. "Okita, Yamazaki, Kondo, and Hijikata, what if it was one of them?" She couldn't stop laughing, thinking of a pregnant Yamazaki.

Gintoki started laughing as well. "Pregnant Souichiro, Jimmy and Oogushi?"

Shinpachi started laughing as well. "What about Kondo? His child would be more gorilla than human."

After they all finished laughing at the idea of the Shinsengumi members being pregnant, Gintoki looked at them seriously.

"No way in hell. Absolutely not."

"But Gin-chan--"

"Absolutely not." And that was the end of that.

"Well, what about the Baka Prince-aru?" And that brought on a new fit of giggles.

"I think he was pregnant ever since he was born," Gintoki snickered.

"Gin-san! Don't say such rude things," Shinpachi chastised between giggles.

 

 

                                                                                    

 

 

Hijikata wiped his mouth, trying to get rid of the godawful taste of puke by taking a sip from the water bottle Kondou passed him. 

"Toshi, are you coming down with something? That's the fourth time you've thrown up this week," Kondou asked, concern evident in his voice.

Hijikata hated worrying him, he hated being prioritized over more important things like raids. "Kondou-san, I'm really fine, the raid is tonight you should be sleeping," he tried to not sound like he was pleading. He already felt extremely useless, but the constant fussing and special treatment he was getting made him feel even worse.

Ever since he threw up during the Shinsengumi meeting, Kondou-san had put him on bed rest. He was not allow to leave his room for anything other than using the washroom or the occasional walk. He had officers stationed near and around Hijikata, ready to come in a moments notice. Even though they should all be preparing for the raid that night, but no, they were babysitting him.

He hated it. He hated feeling useless, he hated being a burden on the Shinsengumi and Kondou, even if it was only for a few days. Kondou was his everything, his savior and lifeline, and he worked at the Shinsengumi only for him. (Or so he says, but he loves everyone there.) So holding everyone back like this, even if it was minor and only for a few days, he absolutely hated it.

Hijikata tried, yesterday, to get up and resume his duties. He'd walk about half of a kilometer before his stomach started turning, and he proceeded to throw up his entire breakfast. 

At least he had his paperwork.

And the fact that having paperwork to do _actually made Hijikata happy_ absolutely disgusted him out. He hated paperwork! He wasn't a goddamn secretary!

But the fact was that having something to do, even something as meager and unfulfilling as paperwork made him happy that at least he could help in some way.

And Kondou was barely even letting him do that much. Kondou made the guards stationed at his room be on high alert in case he fainted or over worked himself every time he tried working, so every five minutes the guards were asking him to lie down for a bit and take it easy or asking if he needed some water or mayonnaise --which was being limited to a few _spoonfuls_ a day-- and it was annoying as hell.

But he couldn't get angry at Kondou for caring and trying to protect him or take care of him. He was that pure, and goodhearted in his actions that Hijikata only felt worse every time he made him worry.

Whatever he had wasn't even that bad, he just puked a lot in the mornings, and had a lot of bad stomach cramps and other insignificant things. But Kondou wouldn't have any of that.

Hijikata tried a different approach. "Kondou-san, sittin' here all day is makin' me all restless and twitchy, so my stomach hurts more. Do you have any thin' I could do to keep my mind busy?"

Kondou thought about that. "Well, the paperwork is piling up, this might be a good chance for you to work on that. But your health is more important. Promise me that if you feel light headed or anything you'll stop right away?"

Hijikata nodded. "Yeah."

"Then, I'll get Yamazaki to give you the paperwork. Honestly, ever since he started doing it I've been quite worried. . . he turned a greeting into 'anpan' and wrote three pages of just 'anpan'. It will be good to know that you will take care of it."

Kondou laughed, but the anpan thing actually really scared him.

"That goddamn Zaki, that's the fourth time this month! I'll make him commit seppuku," Hijikata growled.

Kondou laughed again. "It's good to see you acting like normal. Anyways, it's Stalk-Otae-O'clock, so I'll be on my way." Kondou left with a smile and wave.

After a few minutes Yamazaki came in with a pile of paperwork. "Fukuchou, here's the paperwork." Hijikata stood up and was about to take it when he felt the urge again.

'Shit,' he cursed mentally, as he proceeded to throw up what little water he drank and a lot of bile on the grass outside his room.

"Hijikata-san, that's absolutely disgusting. Makes me want to puke too," Sougo commented in a monotone voice. "Are you sure it's not morning sickness?" Hijikata stilled. He tried to act normal, but that touched a nerve.

"Of course not, dipshit! Who the hell do you think I am? What the hell do you think you're doing? Shouldn't you be getting ready for the raid instead of slacking off, you bastard?" he snarled.

"Hai, hai." Sougo disappeared.

He tried to ignore what Sougo said, but it struck something really deep in him, a fear that he had ever since the beginning.

What if he was pregnant? That MPREG28 parasite - virus thing was going around.

He could try to ignore it, like he currently was doing, but that didn't mean the child would go away. If he had one.

"Shit!" he punched the ground, irritated and all ruffled up. "Damn that bastard Sougo!"

Hijikata concluded that he was not pregnant, though he did read up on every case of male pregnancy reported.

 

 

 

                                                                                     ~~  
~~

 

 

Hijikata was finally feeling better, and coerced Yamazaki and his squad to let him ride in the car during their patrols. They reluctantly agreed, as Kondo was off stalking Otae, and he hadn't puked that day so far. He sat in the passenger seat, windows rolled down holding a blowhorn, yelling at pedestrians and citizens while they drove around.

 

 

Gintoki was forced by Shinpachi and Kagura to follow his string. He reluctantly agreed, because though he would like to put it off and never meet his uke, he knew he had too. That's why he was currently walking across Kabukichou with the kids, following the string. For some reason, the direction of the string kept changing, and it kept going through random objects such as buildings, so it was not an easy task.

 

 

 Hijikata was leaning against the wall of a building in an alley in the shopping district of Kabukichou, looking out for suspicious people who hide in alleys and such.

 

 

Gintoki's string finally stopped moving, and seemed to be getting thicker as he walked. Did the string get thicker as they got closer? His heart was beating quite fast and though he appeared as blank-faced as ever, he was terrified as to who would be on the other end. The string was quite thick now, and he knew he was close. Luckily, Kagura dragged Shinpachi for something in one of the nearby shopping stalls, and Gintoki took this opportunity to quicken his pace. He didn't really want them to be there when he confronted his uke.

 

 

Hijikata exhaled the smoke, sensing someone coming around the corner where he was. He straightened out himself, and put on his signature glare, expecting Joui members or thieves.

 

 

Gintoki turned around the corner.

 

 

Hijikata saw the silver hair first, and a scowl appeared on his face. Though it slipped off when he saw the look on Gintoki's face.

 

 

Gintoki couldn't believe it. He put his hand in front of the string, and walked closer, until he was in front of Hijikata. He touched where the string disappeared into Hijikata's stomach.

 

 

Hijikata stiffened, about to yell at him to get away from him, when his eyes widened in realization. Gintoki looked like he was touching something in front of his heart, followed it to his stomach, "D-don't tell me. . ." His heart drummed inside his chest. He met Gintoki's eyes. Disbeleif, horror, it reflected everything that he was feeling.

 

 

"You," Gintoki said after a moment. "Are pregnant with my child."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any thing you would like to see in this fanfic, such as a certain scene or whatever, please leave a comment! I'll try to add in scenes and stuff of what you'd like to see. Er, read. I'd also love to know what you liked and disliked :)


	3. No use crying over spilt milk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gintoki and Hijikata talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if it anoys you, but I'm a dialogue person. Most of my stories are like 80% dialogue 19% monologue and like 1% description of scenery.

Gintoki tried to hide a sigh.

At first, he was shocked, he was scared, he was angry at everything, but that calmed down in like half a minute. He was back to being the lazy, dead fish eyed permy bastard we know and love. 

Hijikata on the other hand, was seemingly still unable to comprehend it. After Gintoki said that he was pregnant with his child, Hijikata freaked.

In any other situation, Gintoki would have found it amusing.

First, he paled considerably. His cigarette fell from his mouth and he stared wide eyed at Gintoki for a few moments in which Gintoki looked at him with the same distress. They both were like _'oh no'._

Then Gintoki calmed down, thinking ' _at least_ I'm _not pregnant'_.

And Hijikata? Well, he _was_ pregnant. He was _pregnant._

Pregnant pregnant pregnant pregnant, he kept repeating it in his head until it lost it's meaning.

After he got out of his shock, he went into a state of panic.

"Oh dear mayonnaise god, I'm pregnant! I'm PREGNANT! Fuck, oh shit, It's Sougo's fault! It's all that goddamn bastard's fault! I'm freaking pregnant! Crap, crap, crap," he repeated a variation of that for a good amount of time, occasionally pausing and calming down but resuming from where he left off after looking at Gintoki's face.

After a good while of that, Gintoki watched Hijikata slide down the wall he was leaning against earlier. He slumped to the floor, and denied his pregnancy.

"No, no fucking way. I'm not pregnant, I don't care what you bastards say, there's no way in hell I'm pregnant! You asses are all lying to me. This is not happening." Gintoki patiently stood to the side, having gone through the same think with Kagura and Shinpachi the other day.

After he got out of his denial, he began blaming Gintoki. "It's all your fault, you goddamn natural perm! Your dead fish eyes got me into this! You should commit seppuku for your actions!"

Gintoki would, at any other time, have fought back and retaliated in some form, but he didn't in fear of his child getting hurt. And he really didn't have the energy or will to start a fight.

Finally, Hijikata quieted down and accepted it. "I'm pregnant," he muttered regretfully.

Gintoki couldn't help but let out a breath in relief. "It's about time," he said, finger in his nose, face blank. Hijikata didn't look up from where he sat on the floor with his knees brought up to his chest and face in his knees. His arms were wrapped around his legs, and his whole body was completely still and slack.

"Shock, panic, denial, those are all the things you go through before acceptance, ne? Though I'm not sure about accusations," he tried to act like normal.

Hijikata didn't move.

Gintoki sighed, this would be a lot easier if he acted like normal. Slowly, he sat beside Hijikata.

Hijikata glared at him and scooted away. "Stay away! Don' touch me, bastard!"

Gintoki looked at him and thought about what he should do, what would be the right thing to say in a situation like this? "Okay." Careless shrug. He didn't fight back.

Hijikata peered at Gintoki, waiting for a smart remark that he'd pull out of his ass, but when none came he looked away.

' _He was 95% stiff before, but now he relaxed 5%,_ ' Gintoki thought mentally. ' _So if I act nice and unprovocative, he'll be more relaxed and we can talk._ '

Gintoki looked over at him. He was treading on thin ice here, and he knew that. "How long ago did the symptoms start showin' up?" he asked, his voice light, but not too light that Hijikata wound feel like he's being mocked or something.

He was quite a moment. "A few days ago," he said quietly. He paused a moment, and Gintoki stayed quiet even though he wanted to ask what 'a few days' was supposed to mean, because he looked like he wanted to say something. "W. . . When did you see the s-string?"

"Two days ago," he answered truthfully.

Hijikata looked up, unsure whether he should pick a fight or not. He could ask why he didn't show up earlier, but thinking about it, if Hijikata had the string he would probably never go after or find his uke. His respect for Gintoki grew just the slightest bit.

 _'He's only 75% stiff now,'_ Gintoki thought. _'But he's usually like 55% uncomfortable around me anyways, so I guess that's not too bad.'_

Some time passed and they both didn't say anything. Hijikata cooled down and slowly became more like his usual self, and Gintoki knew it was safe when he lit up a cigarette.

"So?" Hijikata asked, 95% his normal self. He inhaled, then exhaled. "What are you gonna do, bastard?" His voice was slightly sarcastic, and now Gintoki was the one feeling uncomfortable.

"What do you wan' me to do?" he asked evenly. Hijikata scowled.

"Take responsibility," he muttered angrily. "For the thing you fuckin' spawned in my stomach."

"And how do you wan' me to do that?" he asked back casually. _'If I can understand what he wants, this will be a lot easier for the both of us.'_

"W-well. . ." Hijikata thought about that. "You're broke, so it's not like you can pay, and I don' want you to be around the Shinsengumi. . ." Though Hijikata said that he wanted Gintoki to take responsibility, he didn't know how he wanted that to happen.

"So you want me to help you, but you don't know what you want me to do?" Gintoki asked.

Hijikata looked at him. Gintoki's face was blank, so he had no clue what the permy guy was thinking. Was he being made fun of? Or was he being genuine?

"I-I guess. . ."

Gintoki looked at him with that dumb blank look he hated, and he looked away. ' _Damn it!_ ' Hijikata scowled. _"He's totally makin' fun of me!_ '

"Okay. So are you goin' to stay in the Shinsengumi, or would you rather stay in the Yorozuya household?"

Hijikata stiffened. "I can't stay in the Shinsengumi like this. I'll be a joke and a burden on everybody." Gintoki saw how uncomfortable he was with the idea and mentally jotted that down.

"And the Yorozuya?"

Hijikata remained stiff. "No way in hell. The Shinsengumi go there often enough. And I will definitely not stay there with you and your goddamn brats."

It was worth a try. "Fair enough. Then what do you think we should do?" Gintoki had a few ideas, but he couldn't put them into motion until he knew what his uke wanted.

"I. . . I need an excuse to leave Edo for a while," he mused out loud. "And. . . Maybe i-if y-you w-wanted to come t-too, then a r-reason for you to c-come." Hijikata blushed, embarrassed just saying that.

He didn't want to admit it, but it would be quite hard without Gintoki there. He was scared, and had no clue how to raise a child or deal with pregnancy.

Hell, he didn't even know how to _be_ pregnant. Was there a ritual, a sacrifice involved? Was he supposed to eat livers of dead horses or the tongue of a whale? If perm head went with him, he'd feel slightly better. Gintoki noticed the blush and internally smiled a little.

"Recruits," Gintoki said. "I noticed this for a while now, but your Shinsengumi has been shrinkin' over the past couple years."

Hijikata looked up. He was right.

"Yeah, that's true. Kondou-san was mentionin' that we'd have to go recruitin' sometime soon. Also, the Joui have been attackin' me personally recently, so I'll bring that up and Kondou-san will most likely say yes." He was surprised, Gintoki was extremely sharp.

Even he hadn't been able to think of something like that on the spot.

"But what about you? What's your excuse for comin' with me?" Hijikata asked.

Gintoki didn't even blink on the outside, but noticed how Hijikata assumed that he'd go with him. _'That's pretty cute._ '

"Don' worry about it. Anyway, it said on the news yesterday that male pregnancies are only 6 months, and that symptoms start later than usual. So I'd say you're about 1 month in already, and the bump doesn't become noticeable for a while till like the third month so you should be okay for the next month."

Hijikata looked at him again. How did he know this? Did he try to learn all he could after realizing he was a father? He could feel his respect for Gintoki grow even more, and he hated that because he was a bastard,.

"And what alibi will I use for the symptoms?" He asked this purely out of curiosity, to see what Gintoki would say.

"I can get a doctor to vouch for you, and you can say that you've got AMANTO PARASITIC VIRUS #167, a parasite that has symptoms a lot like pregnancy."

Hijikata was stunned. Though the permy bastard said it in an offhand sort of way, with no thought of anything in his voice, that was a really smart thing to do. Hijikata never would have thought of that, he'd just hit anybody who asked him why.

God, he hated that he respected him so much.

". . .Fine."

It was silent for a moment, in which Hijikata stared at Gintoki and Gintoki pretended not to notice.

_'Is he super smart or an idiot? I can't tell.'_

 

"Why am I the pregnant one?" Hijikata demanded. "If it was you that would be whatever, but why am _I_ pregnant?"

Gintoki was glad. He was 100% the Hijikata he knew and hated.

Gintoki smirked. "Oh? Are you sayin' you wan' me to carry your child? I never knew you felt that way."

Hijikata looked taken aback, before he scowled deeply and harshly, a vein throbbing. "Bastard! I never said that!" Gintoki did not fail to notice the blush on his cheeks.

"Oh? Are you happy to be carryin' my kid, is that it, _Oogushi-kun_?" He put on that arrogant look he knew Hijikata hated and stood up, looking down on him haughtily.

The vein in Hijikata's forehead throbbed even more. He swiftly stood up. "Like hell I am, you shitty bastard! Go die! My name isn't Oogushi!" He swiped at Gintoki and missed before lighting a cigarette. He 'cheh' -ed at Gintoki before turning and walking away grumbling, head held high.

Gintoki watched him go. _That_ was the Hijikata he knew.

 

 


	4. Give a thought to planned pregnancy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Preparations are made

 

Yamazaki walked through the streets of Kabukichou, frantically searching for Sougo. Ever since Hijikata got some weird sickness, Sougo had been takng over his duties.

Or he should have been.

But no, he was wandering around and skipping out on his duties --like always-- leaving his subordinates with even more work, picking up his slack and Hijikata's work.

Yamazaki thought of where he could have been. Then, he remembered the dango shop he and the Yorozuya Danna frequented. He turned around, ready to plead with him to go back to work.

However, it wasn't as easy as he'd like it to be. After walking only a few steps in the right direction, he saw a few drunken males up ahead, looking heated.

"WHAASS DAATT??" slurred the first man, bringing his fists up, ready to hit at a moment's notice.

"HEY HEY HEY, LOOKIN FOR A FIGHT, NII-CHAN?" the second yelled.

"BASSTTUUURRRDD," the last yelled, raising his fists.

Yamazaki sighed. Though he was a part of the Shinsengumi, his normal tasks were things such as buying Hijikata mayonnaise or buying Hijikata cigarettes or eating anpan. He shouldn't have to deal with this shit.

But the drunk men were fighting in front of him, and as an officer of the law he couldn't just walk by it, as much as he'd like to, as the citizens were looking at him, expecting him to do something.

He walked up to them, albeit reluctantly. "Hey, you three, cut it out. This is a public place and--"

"WHAASS DAATT?" one of them slurred, coming forth.

"HEY HEY HEY, LOOKIN FOR A FIGHT, NII-CHAN?" yelled another.

"BASSTTUUURRRDD," went the last of them.

Yamazaki sighed.

Suddenly, before he could react, they were jumping him.

"Oi, OI! Please cut that out! Hey--I'm telling you to stop!" He pushed on one of their heads, and kept another one back with his leg, but the last was holding his neck, squeezing clumsily, though painfully.

After a few moments of struggling in which he wondered what to do, they three of them suddenly went slack.

"Huh?" He looked behind him to see the Yorozuya Danna putting his bokken away.

"Hey Jimmy-kun," he greeted him blank faced as always.

"Danna! Thank you, those drunks were getting really annoying," he massaged his neck after throwing them to the ground.

"Ah? No problem. Buy me a parfait as compensation."

Yamazaki sighed. He'd ask if he saw Sougo, they got along quite well so maybe he'd know how to get Sougo how to work. "Hai, hai."

 

 

The Yorozuya Danna happily ate his parfait, and Yamazaki gave him a moment to eat before asking.

"Have you seen Okita-san anywhere?"

"Hm?" he looked up from his parfait. "Yeah, we were at the dango shop earlier. But that was at least two hours ago, so I don' know where he could be. Why?"

"Ever since Fukuchou got sick, he has taken his responsibilities. But that's only in name. I and a few others have been doing all the work. He's slacking off more than ever," Yamazaki whined.

"Ah, really? Oh! I got somethin'," he stopped himself short and reached into his yukata. "I bought an extra anpan, do you want it?"

Yamazaki's eyes lit up. "ANPAN?" he said, a bit too loud.

 

Gintoki tossed it over, hiding a smirk. Like hell he had an extra anpan! He didn't even eat anpan! But now, Yamazaki was sure to be very compliant and willing.

 

Yamazaki ripped open his anpan, and bit into it. He muffled a moan, and chewed slowly, savoring the taste. It was his favorite kind.

"Ne, Jimmy-kun, do you have any jobs that would require for me to leave Edo for a while?" Gintoki asked casually.

"Hm?" he stopped eating to look up. "Like what?" 

"I don' know, like body guarding or a stakeout. I've been feelin' very restless and tired of the same faces and places, and I'd been wantin' to just leave Edo for a bit."

Yamazaki nodded eagerly. "I know what you mean! That's how I feel after being cooped up in the same area for so long after a stakeout. I usually want to get out of that area."

"Yeah, something like that, but rather than an apartment during a stakeout, I'm talking about all of Edo here."

Yamazaki thought about it, chewing on his beloved anpan. "Not at the moment, but as soon as anything comes up I promise to refer you and let you know," he said happily.

Gintoki got up. "I should get goin'. Oh, by the way, Souichiro said he'd be by the river." He left.

Yamazaki beamed. _'The Yorozuya Danna is actually such a nice guy!'_ he thought happily. _'I'll definetely find him a job out of Edo!'_

 

Gintoki smirked, seeing the look on Yamazaki's face. All that was left was Hijikata's part.

 

 

                                                                                   

 

 

Hijikata looked at Yamazaki out of the corner of his eye, suspicious. What had perm-head said to the anpan loving boy? Why did the dead fish eyed bastard randomly give Hijikata a message saying he should keep Yamazaki around for a while? It wasn't like Yamazaki was doing anything, just writing 'anpan' all over his envelope -- he was going to hit him for that in a minute or so.

He was knocked out of his thoughts by the sight of Kondou coming in his room.

"Ah, Kondou-san."

"Toshi! How are you doing?" he asked, face bright.

"I'm good. And you?" Pleasantries first. This was Kondou-san.

"I'm good! You're stomach?"

"Ah, actually when I went out earlier, I got a quick checkup. Apparently my symptoms are like an Amanto parasite thing, here," he handed Kondou the piece of paper.

"Oh, really? Hmm. . . Toshi I'm not so sure you should be out patrolling. Those Joui members are targeting you still, they attacked a man who looked like you last night."

This was a perfect time to bring it up. "Actually, Kondou-san, I've been wanting to go recruiting recently," he brought it up casually.

"Recruiting? Ah, that's true, we were talking about that. Our Shinsengumi was already so small, every death hits us hard. I'm not against it, but will you be okay?"

"Yeah. Truth is I'd probably be safer out in the country, what with the Joui after me and all." He tried not to twitch. It wasn't in his character to back out of a fight and run away to the countryside because of a few guys after his head, he's always had people after his head. But Kondou-san wouldn't notice, he'd be too busy worrying about his safety.

"And your parasite sickness?"

"Yeah, on the paper I just gave you there are all the side effects of the parasite I might be having. It goes away after five months naturally, and with medicine it will barely affect me so it's not like it will be too much of a hindrance."

"Nausea? Tiredness? I'd feel better if someone came with you, Toshi."

"But Kondou-san, we both know that we can't afford it, we have a lot of raids and need all the manpower we can get. I'd just be a hindrance if I stayed." He hated that that was true.

"I know, but I still think we should send someone with you." Kondou was quiet for a moment, thinking.

"Um. . ." Yamazaki's voice was heard.

"What is it, Zaki?" Kondou asked nicely.

"Actually, the Yorozuya Danna really wants to leave Edo, maybe he'd come along with you?" Yamazaki asked feebly, worried that Hijikata would explode, what with the heated rivalry between the two.

Hijikata's eyes widened. This was why he told Hijikata to bring Zaki along?

"Oh!" Kondou-san exclaimed. "That's a great idea! I don't trust him 100%, but I know if we paid him well he'd be a formidable guard. Good idea Zaki!"

Hijikata opened his mouth to protest, not for real but for his image, but Kondou, knowing what would happen if he let Hijikata speak, quickly wrapped up.

"All right, I'll give him a call! I'll talk to you later,Toshi!" He ran out before Hijikata could start yelling.

Hijikata smacked Yamazaki's head. "I don't want to see your face," he grumbled ferociously. "Yorozuya? YOROZUYA? Him, of all people?" He spat on his own floor.

Yamazaki quietly left the room.

 

 

                                                                                     ~~  
~~

 

 

"Gin-chaaaaan, when will you tell us who's your uke-aru?" Kagura whined for the nth time that hour. 

"Later," he dismissed it without a thought.

"Gin-san, it's very rude of you not to tell us who it is when we helped you," Shinpachi was frowning.

Gintoki looked at the both of them for a split second. Kagura was looking down, upset, and Shinpachi looked a little hurt.

His heart constricted in his chest a little.

He hated making them feel bad, but he knew he'd have all shades and flavours and types of trouble if he told them it was Hijikata.

However he couldn't keep things from them for too long, and he hated seeing them upset like this.

It was clear what they were thinking. Kagura's downcast eyes and overall cheerlessness pratically screamed _'Why won't Gin-chan tell us?'_

And he could see it in Shinpachi's face, _'Why doesn't he trust us?'_

They had a very close relationship, the three of them, though he'd deny it fervently if you asked. Big brother - little brother, big brother - little sister, and at times father-daughter. Regardless, they were _family._

He sighed, and could feel himself crack. "I'll bring him over sometime, okay?" He barely received a response, a few quiet hums or murmurs of 'okay'.

Looking at them upset, his resolve shattered. "Kagura, Shinpachi, the truth is he wants to leave Edo." They looked up with a 'huh?'

"His workplace would make fun of him if he stayed, and he doesn't like me well enough to stay here, so he wants to leave Edo."

The life returned to their eyes. "Really-aru? Where does he want to go?"

"No where in specific, but his work can give him an excuse to go out to the country side for a few months. I'll tell you more when I can, okay? Promise. I just can't tell you yet, but I promise I will when he gives me the okay." He looked at them fondly, though his gaze looked blank.

"Gin-san, can you tell us your plans?" Shinpachi asked.

Gintoki thought about that. "I'll have to leave Edo for a few months."

There were protests immediately.

"Gin-chan, you can't leave-aru!"

"Gin-san, what will we do if you aren't here?"

It sort of warmed his heart how they didn't want him to leave.

"Listen, you two. I didn' say you couldn't visit," he smirked at them. They brightened up. "And for the food and rent, don' worry about it."

There was a glimmer in Shinpachi's eye, one that Gintoki didn't want to see. Suspicion, curiosity, the megane boy was questioning how and where Gintoki would get that money from. That was bad.

"Anyways, I wan' you two to start learning about children, okay? Because god knows I'll need all the help I can get with my child," he said, and Kagura squealed.

"I'm gonna be an onee-chan!" Gintoki let a small smile show on his face, happy that Kagura was happy.

Even Shinpachi couldn't help but smile wildly, looking 4 again. "I'll definitely raise your child so that it won't become like you," he said determinedly.

Kagura nodded. "If it's a girl, she can be my successor as Queen of Kabukichou and the playground, and if it's a boy he can be my loyal subordinate," she smiled innocently. Shinpachi sighed, though he had a smile on his face.

"Ne, ne Gin-chan, you can tell us what he's like,  right-aru?" Kagura asked, a gleam in her eye. Gintoki smirked.

"I didn't say I couldn't."

The two of them looked at each other and beamed. "If we figure out who it is on our own, it's not your fault, right Gin-san?" Shinpachi asked.

Gintoki shrugged carelessly. "Who knows?" It was a clear 'yes'.

"So? What's he like Gin-san?"

"Hmm. . . a goddamn annoyin' ass that the two of you will hate."

Kagura squealed.

 

 

                                                                                     ~~  
~~

 

 

The streets of Kabukichou were littered with people, all different types of peoples, and all in different places. Love hotels had people walking in and out, bars were so loud the noise inside could be heard from outside. Host clubs had giggling girls standing around, and cabaret clubs had boys. There were couples walking everywhere, with just as many drunks stumbling to and fro.

It all looked like a regular red-light district of any normal city, but that wasn't the case in the alleyways.

In the alleyways, gangs were everywhere. Thugs littered all empty building, claiming them as their territories, and fights broke out everywhere every few minutes. This was where the majority of all the brawls, drug selling, human trafficking, black market sales, and overall deaths occurred. 

Enter Sakata Gintoki, amazing swordsman, a regular in these places.

After Kagura tucked in, he yelled that he was going out for a drink. Her yells of 'Gin-chan, stop wasting money!' fell on deaf ears, as Gintoki had different plans for tonight.

That's right. Tonight he wasn't going to get himself piss drunk in an attempt to block out the painful memories, tonight he was going to earn half a year's worth of rent, food, kid's salary, pocket money, as well money needed for the child he would be having soon.

As he left the Yorozuya flat, he looked up at the moon. ' _10 hours,_ ' he thought. ' _10 hours before Kagura wakes up.'_

And he was off.

 

 

                                                                                    

 

 

"Oh., if it isn't the Yorozuya Danna! Sakata-chin, it's been so long since I last saw you, I hope you didn't forget my name," a friendly looking man in his early 40's playfully jested.

"Never, Hikaru-chin," Gintoki replied smoothly.

"It's Akira. What brings you here today?" His tone was light, but his words were not. It was a threat if Gintoki knew one. ' _Are you here as an ally or enemy? You've got three snipers aimed at you right now. State your business.'_

"Business, of course. I'm a Yorozuya, do you need anythin' done?" He lifted his hand up to scratch his head, a black band around his left wrist exposed.This translated to ' _I'm here as an ally, I have no ill intentions. I'm looking for quick and easy work, I'll do a job of your choice so give me money.'_ His eyes conveyed what he didn't say.

"Hm, what kind of job are you looking for?" Akira looked at the black band, and the mood lightened. _'What do you want? I've got a variety of things that need to be done.'_

Akira stroked his chin, index finger flicking towards the wall as a sign that they were being taped, and that he might be bugged.

"Whatever you need done. Please go easy on me." _'Preferably something that could be finished in the hour, with a good pay.'_

"I've got a roof that could needs to be fixed, you up for it?" ' _Drugs trade with neighbouring gang, go as our representative and negotiate on our behalf.'_

"How long will it take?" ' _And how much will I be paid?'_

"Hm, about 45 minutes. If you're slow then maybe a bit more." _'45% of our profits from the dealing, and if you run into trouble that will be increased.'_

"Show me the roof then." _'Understood.'_

 

 

 

                                                                                    

 

 

 

Gintoki panted, holding his right side walking up the steps to his flat. He had gone to eight other groups after Akira, and most weren't as nice. However, he was a Yorozuya and the black band around his left wrist indicated that he was there as an ally.

Though, every gang knew that that the black band wasn't a symbol of loyalty and that he shouldn't be trusted. If he was loyal, he'd be wearing the gang's tattoo. It wasn't uncommon for him to come as an ally and return an hour later as an enemy.

The black band was a symbol between gangs and outside people that were looking for money. It was unknown to almost everybody but exclusive workers such as Gintoki, and those who knew had extensive back ground checks on them routinely by numerous people to make sure they weren't affiliated with any group.

Gintoki was one of the few who took on any dirty job that no gang wanted for money. Though some gangs respected this fact and left him alone, only giving him the required work and money after it was completed, some didn't like this idea, of running from group to group.

Which was why Gintoki was panting right now, holding his side. He had got the nasty jobs of attacking other groups, one of them being Akira's, by other groups. He had pulled it off, and was paid handsomely, but he got hurt during the process.

 _'Tomorrow I'll ask to work for the drug trade, at least until my wounds heal a bit_ ' he thought with a grimace.

He had a half hour before Kagura would show any signs of waking up, so he decided to count out the money and separate it.

He put it into the groups of rent, food, the kid's salary, his baby's required money, and pocket money. He had more savings in his drawer, which he would bring some of with him to the country side, and leave half here in case the kids ran into some type of accident or ran out of grocery money halfway through or whatever.

 

After sorting the money and hiding it in various places, he bandaged up his wounds. The only serious one was the one on his side, that would definitely scar. He disinfected the others but didn't dress them as it would be obvious that he was hurt if he had lumps of bandages everywhere on his body. 

 

Finally he lied down and relaxed, but only an hour later he heard Shinpachi come in.

"Gin-san, shame on you! Do you know how late it is? Get up already!" The thin otaku scolded.

Gintoki groaned. "My head hurts." His head really did hurt, he got it hit against a brick wall three times earlier.

"Gin-san! Don't tell me you went drinking again!"

Gintoki groaned. "Shut up, I'm tired."

"You deserve that for staying out all night! Get up, come on."

 

And so another normal day at the Yorozuya household commenced.

 

 

 


	5. The more alike you are, the more you fight.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Preparing yourself to take the first step is about as hard as taking the first step.
> 
>  
> 
> (Or, next chapter they leave and this is everything that needs to happen before then. And Gintoki's thoughts, and Hijikata's thoughts.)

 

 

Gintoki sighed, looking up at the roof. He stretched carefully, being sure not to agitate any wounds. Barely stiffling a large yawn, he lied back down on the sofa.

 

After the first night, he drabbled in the underground drug trade for a few days, but left when it got messy. He got a few more jobs, some lasting all night. He had been badly hurt numerous times, but finished all his jobs to get the money.

Gintoki thought about the money he received.

It was a large amount.

If he wasn't preparing for a child, he'd have blown most of it on pachinko, knowing he could get more anytime he really needed too (why else had Otose let them stay for so long?), but this child of his was really stressing him out.

He had spent the last 3 hours wondering if it would be a girl or boy.

"Gin-chan, when are you leaving-aru?" Kagura asked, startling him out of his thoughts. He was quiet a moment.

"Who knows. I think within the next two weeks." That's right, he had to talk to Hijikata about when they were leaving and where they were going.

He sighed. his child of his was such a pain in the ass. However he found that he couldn't help but be excited, somewhere deep, down inside him. Raising a child would be a lot of fun.

And Hijikata . . . Gintoki spent a lot of time thinking about him or things concerning him. What was his relationship with Hijikata? Before they had this enemy rivalry going on, but did this child change things? And if it did, how did it change things?

What were his feeling for Hijikata? Any other time he would have easily answered that with 'hate him' or 'he's a pain in the ass' or anything, really, but he wouldn't have thought about for more than half a second. Now? He couldn't answer that after hours of thinking.

Hijikata was annoying. He was stubborn, persistent, sarcastic, annoying, strong, irritating, and they had a pretty intense rivalry going on.

However they were acquaintances (Gintoki refused to call him a friend), they worked together sometimes, and when they did they were amazingly in sync. They were very much alike, and had a lot of the same interests.

Gintoki thought about what Dr. Tokugawa had said about the 'soul mates' thing. As much as he'd disregard and ignore it, they were sorta compatible.

He wasn't sure about the 'soul mate' thing, but if they both stopped being so stubborn for a little, he could imagine that they would be a pretty good couple. They had the same interests, both had lost people they loved, their way of thinking was the same, they truly would be good for each other.

If they weren't so stubborn.

Gintoki acknowledged that, he accepted it. Then he pushed it all to the back of his mind to never think about again. Though he did just moments later.

Hijikata was cute.

Gintoki could barely believe he was thinking those sort of thoughts, but he knew it was true.

He thought about the way Hijikata blushed, how he'd look up at Gintoki in so much shock, how he'd try to scowl to hide his embarrassment, and Gintoki thought it was cute.

Of course, thoughts like those led to thoughts of other kinds. Would he mind fucking Hijikata? He thought of Hijikata's flushed face, him panting, the low groans he made, what if those were because of Gintoki, and not from fighting but another, more lewd way?

Hijikata was attractive. He smoked, had a hot voice, an amazing shade of blue eyes, black hair, he was a sexy cop, there was so much to like about him. He was the bad boy, the kind that parents told their daughters not to go near to.

And Gintoki liked that. He didn't want to be with anyone for too long, even as friends, that would break. Kagura, Shinapchi, Otae, Kyuubei, Tsukumo, Tama, Zura, they could all take his wild, erratic and animalistic behaviour.

He'd never even think of dating anyone -girl or guy- who couldn't accept and be comfortable with that part of him.

And Hijikata could.

If Gintoki got angry at or with Hijikata, he'd be angry back. That was a definite something he needed in his partner.

That brought Gintoki onto a new discussion-with-himself topic. Was he okay with a guy?

Gintoki was in no way homophobic. He couldn't be, not with Kyuubei and Otae holding hands around every corner. He was fine with people of the same gender kissing, he was perfectly okay with being in the same room as gay people, and hell, he was okay with cross dressing for them.

But was he okay with being one of them? Being gay?

He thought about the Joui wars. He and Takasugi had some sexual tension going on, and if Takasugi brought it up he'd definitely have said yes to a night in bed. Zura and him were pretty close too back then, and if he asked any of his comrades, his comrades would have told him that they wouldn't be surprised if he and Zura rolled around a few times. And the way Sakamoto and he looked at each other, if he thought about it, it could have been taken a different way, and lead tosomething else if any one of them acted on it.

He wouldn't have mind going to bed with any of them.

But that was then, when he was young and horny.

Now he was older. It was, as Otose constantly reminded him, time for him to find somebody and settle down. 

Would he be willing to spend the rest of his life with a guy? What would everyone say? Kagura and Shinpachi, Otose, Otae,  would all his friends accept it?

After thinking about it for a moment, he realized that they probably wouldn't care who he settled down with as long as he did it soon enough.

They'd all make fun of him and joke and laugh, saying that Gintoki wasn't good enough for his partner.

However, as soon as he'd leave, even if his partner was much better than Gintoki, Kagura would insist that they weren't good enough for Gintoki when he left the room, and Otose would test their worth all the time, and Otae would threaten his partner behind Gintoki's back, because that's who they were. 

Hell, Kagura was so excited when she heard that he'd be having a child, event though the baby carrier was a guy, and Shinpachi supported them 100%, which was why he was reading a book on child care this moment on the sofa across Gintoki's with an amazing concentration.

His friends, he thought, would have next to no problems accepting him. But he, could he accept himself? Accept the fact that he could be gay?

 

After thinking about it for a moment, he scoffed out loud.

What did it matter?

Guy or girl, if he liked them, that was good enough for him.

 

 

                                                                     ~~  
~~

 

 

Hijikata sighed, then quickly startled as he realized he sounded like a love sick girl.

For the last little while, he was thinking about Gintoki, even though he was supposed to be finishing his paperwork.

He tried, he really did. He was focused, but he read the name of the man who he was writing to, something Sakata, and his thoughts flew back to Sakata Gintoki.

What was Gintoki doing right now? Was he lying around with that dumb look he hated? Was he at the dango shop with Sougo? Or was he doing something stupid and random, like most of the time? He tried, he really did, but he just couldn't stop thinking about that goddamn lazy permy bastard.

He stopped writing and looked around his room. His small desk, futon put neatly away in the closet, his plain, simple room that he spent so much time in and loved so much, but he couldn't calm down. So he lit up a cigarette, and inhaled.

Even that failed to calm him down. Hijikata wondered about Gintoki, and startled when he realized that he was smoking his third cigarette in the few minutes he stopped writing, he wasn't supposed to smoke alot because that would harm his child.

His child.

His, and Gintoki's child.

Goddamn it, why was he blushing?!

Hijikata finally managed to calm down, when he heard footsteps coming towards his room. He stiffened, pasting his signature glare/scowl on his face, and readied himself for whatever stupid shit was about to come next.

The door opened, and Hijikata's expression softened a bit when he realized it was only gori- Kondou.

"Ah, Kondou-san. I've finished the first four piles of paperwork, I've only got two left," he said as Kondou shut the door and sat down across him. Hijikata respectfully sat facing towards him.

"Good work, Toshi! I've got the last week's paperwork sitting in my office, but I didn't come to talk about that." Kondou seemed really cheerful. Did something happen with the girl he was stalking?

"What is it, Kondou-san?"

"Actually, Toshi, the other day the Yorozuya Danna finally agreed to go on the recruiting trip with you," he said happily.

Hijikata blinked. What? Why?

Wouldn't Gintoki have immediately said yes? What did he mean by 'finally agreed,' wasn't it Gintoki's idea in the first place?

"But you have to buy him dango every week," Kondou said causally. Hijikata's eyes widened. That's why, he refused so he could add in some extra goods for himself.

Sensing Hijikata's anger, Kondou continued. "Calm down, Toshi! I'll pay, so you don't need to worry about that. We'll pay him half of his money at he beginning, and hte other half at the end. But. . ." Kondou hesitated, and Hijikata stopped being angry at Gintoki to frown at him.

"What is it, Kondou-san?"

"Well, you see. . . I booked a train trip for you two to get you started to the countryside, but . . ."

Hijikata didn't like where this was going. What? Was it overnight? Would they have to share a bed or act like lovers or something?

"The train leaves in 5 hours."

Hijikata's eyes widened. "WHAT?"

 

 

                                                                            ~~  
~~

 

 

". . .And there you have it. The train leaves in 3 hours, so you have to pack up everything you need and say your goodbye's and be at the central train station by 7," Hijikata told Gintoki on the phone.

He heard some shuffling on the other side, some curses and muffled words, as well as something being knocked over and smirked to himself, internally going ' _haha!_ ' at his seme, when Gintoki spoke up.

"Um, that's okay and all, but. . ." the smirk on Hijikata's face fell. When people said _'but. . .'_ like that, it usually never leaded to anything good.

"What?"

"Um, I kinda told the kids that I'd let them meet my uke before we left . . ." Hijikata stiffened at being called Gintoki's uke, and his face paled when he heard the rest of the sentence.

"You. . . WHAT? You told them?! What?! What did you tell them?! Why the hell would you make a promise like that without without telling m--" Gintoki cut off the angry Hijikata.

"Calm down, Oogushi-kun--"

"MY NAME ISN'T OOGUSHI!"

"I haven't told them anything much," Gintkoi continued smoothly. "They were the first people I told about the string, and they are the ones who made me find you in the first place. I didn't tell them it was you because I knew you'd get angry, so I compromised by telling them I'd let them meet you before we left," Gintoki finished.

Hijikata was quiet for a moment, taking that in. It did seem kind of fair, but he was so stubborn he'd never admit it.  "No way in hell. If you need to, just tell them who I am, make them promise not to tell anybody, and leave immediately after that."

"No no no no no, that won't work. Please? After this, you won't see them for half a year, so it's not like it will matter. Besides, they are my kids and they will definitely find out in the end someway or another, so it's best if we jus do it now and get it over with."

". . ." Hijikata had to reluctantly agreed with that. Gintoki's kids, that China girl and Megane boy, if they were anything like Gintoki (which they most certainly were) they'd definitely find out in the most embarrassing possible way in the end. It would be the best to get it over with now.

"I promise they won't laugh," Gintoki said.

 

 

                                                                        ~~  
~~

 

 

 Hijikata's eye twitched.

"They're _laughing_ ," he seethed.

It was true. China wasn't even bothering hiding it, she was in full on hysterics in the corner. At least Megane was somewhat better, he was turned away and trying his best to muffle his giggles, though it wasn't any better in Hijikata's opinion. They were both laughing.

Gintoki sighed a little. He went closer to them and whispered loudly, so loudly it defeated the purpose as Hijikata could hear everything. "Come on, what did I say 'bout laughin'? You promised not to laugh no matter how ridiculous he was. Do that after he leaves, 'kay?"

A vein throbbed on Hijikata's forehead, and his face was set into an angry glare. He didn't even have time to be embarrassed, he was too busy being angry.

Gintoki sighed. He put his right hand into his Yukata and fished out some sukonbu and an Otsuu-chan merchandise and threw it up in the air. The kids stopped laughing and jumped for there respective bribes immediately.

China made some happy noise and started eating it, while Megane let out a girlish noise as well as a "This is limited edition and it's signed! Gin-san, where did you get htis from?!"

Gintoki looked down at the beaming boy. Hijikata noticed a soft smile on the corner of his lips. "Nowhere. Don't laugh now, kay?"

"Hai, Gin-san!"

Hijikata watched Gintoki interact with his kids. He was so casual, so natural in the way he talked and touched and looked at them. He didn't treat them any differently from what he'd treat somebody his age, and the kids liked it.

Gintoki and the kids turned around and started walking into the house, leaving Hijikata standing awkwardly at the doorstep. Gintoki noticed him standing about and called him in with a "What are you doing? Get in and lock the door." Hijikata complied, Gintoki's thoughtless words somehow giving him the confidence to walk in like he owned the place.

China was lying on the bear-dog thing they had as a pet, and Megane was pouring some tea for Gintoki, who was sitting casually on the sofa, and another cup across his.

Megane walked into what he assumed was a bedroom. Hijikata figured the other cup was for him and sat down stiffly.

"Why aren't you packing? You've got 2 hours before we go," he asked, uncomfortable with the silence after he sat.

"Huh? Ah, Shinpachi's doin' it." Gintoki pulled a Jump from his yukata, and started reading it. Hijikata watched him for a moment, before looking around.

As always, his place was surprisingly clean. It must be that Megane, because looking at China and Gintoki, both just lazing around, it's clear that none of them do the cleaning around here.

China turns toward them. "Hey, scum, when did you realize you were pregnant-aru?" she asked.

Hijikata's brow twitched. It seemed to be doing that alot ever since he went into the Yorozuya household. "My name isn't Scum. About 2 weeks and some ago, I guess."

"Huh? And is it a girl or boy-aru? You better give Gin-chan a girl, scum-aru," she said condescendingly. His brow twitched again. He could see why she and Sougo constantly fought.

"Kagura-chan, I told you, 's up to the heavens to decide what gender our child will be," Gintoki chimed.

"Cheh," she scoffed. "You seen your wife-aru? It's up to hell, not heaven-aru," she smiled mockingly at him.

Hijikata blushed at being called Gintoki's wife, and scowled angrily at the comment. Gintoki had the audacity to laugh.

"I guess," he agreed

"Oi!" Hijikata growled. "What's that s'possed to mean?"

Gintoki opened his mouth to pull out some smart ass remark that he probably found up his asshole when Megane came back.

"Gin-san, I packed all the necessities. That is your clothes, toiletries, and a few extra things. You can pack your carry on with whatever you want now," Megane grunted, pulling out heavy looking suitcase from what would probably be Gintoki's bedroom.

Hijikata got up and grabbed the suitcase, seeing Megane struggling about and the other two of the Yorozuya not doing anything, sighing. He seemingly effortlessly grabbed it, though he almost dropped it at first. It was heavy! What was even in it? How did clothes and toiletries weigh so much?

After Hijikata put the suitcase on the side near the entrance, he sat back down on the sofa. Megane sat across from him, drinking Gintoki's untouched cup of tea, and Gintoki was rummaging around, Hijikata could see him leaving one of the other rooms with a carry-on bag in hand.

"Thank you, Hijikata-san," Megane thanked him. Hijikata let out a grunt, meaning 'no problem'.

Hijikata sipped his tea. He thought about how the Yorozuya was a place that you'd feel comfortable in no time in, it was quite mysterious. Nobody treated him with any respect, except maybe Megane, so he didn't feel like he needed to act like he usually did, all tough and proper, and he found himself relaxing quite easily.

"How many clothes did you pack?" he asked after China started snoring.

"I packed his usual yukata, 4 of them, as well as 4 of his red lined black shirt and pant. Um, two of his blue pajamas, and an extra yukata. As well as his garments. I hope that's enough?" Megane looked up.

Hijikata nodded. "I packed about the same myself."

It was an awkward silence, but after a few moments Hijikata found it to be less and less awkward. It was comfortable, he thought. This is most likely how they spend most of their time with each other.

After a few minutes, China woke up, and began interrogating Hijikata.

"What are your intentions with my Gin-chan-aru?"

Hijikata scowled. "I have no intentions--"

"So you're just playing with him-aru? How dare you toy with his feelings-aru!"

Hijikata's brow twitched. A vein throbbed.

"Kagura-chan, please stop it!" Megane started, and Hijikata was about to send him a grateful look when he continued. "Gin-san is the one who got Hijikata-san pregnant, which means that we should be interrogating Gin-san, not the wife!" Hijikata fell over.

He was about to get up and hit them when Gintoki came out of his room. "Kagura-chan, I'll give you a piece 'a sukonbu if you can close this damn thing" GIntoki called. China got up, closed it, threw it dangerously close to Hijikata and stuck her hand out for her sukonbu before Hijikata could react.

He tossed it up in the air, and China literally flew to get it.

Hijikata stared at them. Was this how Gintoki trained his workers? How strange.

Gintoki sat down on the sofa beside Megane, and took the tea cup from Megane's hands. He took a sip then promptly spit it out, before putting it back down. Megane sat unamused, face full of Gintoki's spit and the cold tea.

"Ne, Shinsengumi, did you bring your paperwork?" Gintoki asked.

Hijikikata looked at him with a scowl, warily. "I did, why?"

"Leave it here. Are you really going to bring a bag of heavy paperwork all over the country? Just sort out the ones that you have to mail away, and bring those. The rest leave them here." Hijikata thought about it. If he only brought the ones he had to mail away, his bag would be cleared, and he wouldn't have to drag a bag of heavy paperwork everywhere.

However before he could move, Gintoki stood up. "What time does the train leave?" he asked.

"Huh? 7, why?"

Gintoki looked at an imaginary watch. "Which train station?"

"Central. Why?"

"We won't make it if we don't leave within the next 10 minutes," GIntoki casually said, sticking a finger in his nose, walking away.

Hijikata startled. What? Had time really passed so quickly? He took out the cell phone Kondou gave him for this trip and checked. Gintoki was right. What?

Gintoki returned, with two cell phones in hand. "Kagura, Shinpachi, I got you guys cell phones," he said, tossing them each their respective Otsuu-chan or flower cell phones.

They beamed. "Thank you Gin-chan-aru!" China smiled wildly, and Hijikata realized that she would be very cute if she wasn't one of Gintoki's kids.

"I was worried about how to contact you, but this is great Gin-san!" Megane exclaimed.

Hijikata looked away from the kids and towards Gintoki.

Again, Gintoki had that gentle smile on his face, ever so soft and barely even there, but Hijikata saw it fully.

"I programmed my number and Hijikata's number into it, so you c'n call one of us if anythin' happens." HIjikata was a little concerned that Gintoki had his number, and that he was giving it to the kids.

The kids beamed at their cell-phones for a moment longer before looking up. "Gin-chan, are you leaving now-aru?" It was impossible not to hear the sadness in China's voice. Her big blue eyes looked up into Gintoki's dead fish eyes.

"Yeah." He didn't say anything else.

Both kids immediately saddened. China grabbed onto Megane and rocketed towards Gintoki, and he barely managed to stay upright and support the two of them.

"Gin-chan, do you have to go-aru?" Megane didn't say anything, but looked up at him, sadness in his eyes. 

Gintoki's arm wrapped around the two of them. "Come on, it's only half a year. We've b'n separated longer th'n that. I'll come visit and you guys can visit too, 'kay? So cheer up. I expect you two to take care of the Yorozuya for me."

"But, Gin-san, what are we supposed to do about food and the rent and everything?" Megane wasn't clutching onto Gintoki like China, but he still leaned in and rested his head against Gintoki.

"Don't worry about it. I paid Otose for the next year. I also paid off most of my debts, so you don't have to worry about it. And for this months food, here." Gintoki reached into his yukata and pulled three envelopes out. "This is for the groceries, and this is your salary for the next half year." He handed the envelopes to the kids.

Megane opened his salary, and gasped. "Gin-san! This is more than everything you've ever given me! And the food money, this is enough for two years even with Kagura's black hole of a stomach!"

"Don't spend it all then, 'kay? And just because you have money doesn' mean you shouldn' work. Gengai said he has some jobs for you."

Megane looked up at Gintoki in astonishment, as did Hijikata. Where the hell had he gotten all of this money from? There weren't any bank robberies, store robberies or burglaries recently.

Gintoki pried the kids off and walked to the door, the kids following him. Hijikata awkwardly walked as well, trying not to intrude on their moment.

Hijikata put on his shoes and opened the door, where his luggage sat. Gintoki put on his boots and followed, but stood in the doorway, back to his kids. Hijikata couldn't read his expression.

"You guys protect everyone for me, 'kay?"

There was a sniffle, and suddenly Gintoki was being attacked from behind. He seemed to have been expecting it, and barely moved.

Hijikata could see two pairs of arms around him.

"We will Gin-san."

"I'll definitely protect everyone for you Gin-chan-aru."

"We won't let anything happen to Kabukichou while you're gone, Gin-san."

"So don't worry about us, Gin-chan-aru."

The arms held him for a minute, and Gintoki put his hands on them. It was his way of hugging them, Hijikata knew.

Finally the arms left him, and Gintoki moved away. Megane and China--no, Shinapchi and Kagura both looked sad, Kagura had tears in her eyes, but they were both smiling. Hijikata could only watch.

Gintoki walked to the top of the stairs, dragging his suitcase behind him and putting the carry-on strap on his right arm.

Gintoki lifted his left hand in a wave. "Bye."  And he left.

Hijikata stared at his retreating back, his kids who looked like they were about to cry, and felt something in him. He hurried after Gintoki, feeling like a stranger the whole time.

 

 

 


	6. Life is a series of choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And they're off

 

 

Hijikata looked at Gintoki out of the corner of his eye. And he lets out a minuscule sigh in frustration because goddamn it, he simply could not read that stupid, blank, dumb look on his face.

He felt kind of guilty, because it was clear to him in those few moment that he spent in the Yorozuya household that though those brats are seriously goddamn annoying, irritating as fuck pieces of shits, and spawns of none other than Satan himself, those kids were . . . he didn't know what the word was. But it was _something_.

And he knew that he were like _that_ , whatever _that_ was, because of Gintoki, and that he was the one to raise them to be that way, and Hijikata was the one to separate them from each other.

Gintoki had raised his children so that they'd send him off with a smile through their tears, they'd accept and love him no matter what gender the person carrying his baby was, hell, they didn't even care that he was having a child, but it was Gintoki that brought them up in such a way that they'd be as bright as they currently were, and that just pulled at Hijikata's heart painfully.

Because Gintoki could raise their child alone, without any help from Hijikata, and Hijikata would guarantee that in 15 years the child would be addicted to sweets, they'd be annoying as hell with smart ass remarks and lazy habits and tendencies, but the child would be a prodigy at fighting, and have more street smarts and logical sense than Hijikata himself, and they'd be a genius without ever meeting the one who carried them in their womb, Hijikata himself.

But where did Hijikata fit in? Gintoki was in his future, but was Hijikata in Gintoki's?

He shook himself out of his thoughts. Where had that even come from? One minute he was feeling guilty for separating the Yorozuya trio, and the next he was having a deep self discussion on his future.

He sighed quietly, looking at the passing people. His good-bye from the Shinsengumi was nowhere near as dramatic as the Yorozuya's.

 

 

                                                                                           ~~  
~~

 

 

"TOSHI!" sobbed Kondou, latched onto Hijikata. Snot dripped messily down his face and he sniffled, thought that didn't help. The tears continued to stream down his face. "TOSHI, TOSHI, TOSHI!"

Hijikata's brow twitched in annoyance. The first moment of this he was touched and all _'aw, he'll miss me. I'm so touched and other girly feelings_ ' But after the first 13 minutes. . . he was currently barely one minute away from hitting his beloved Gorilla-san.

However, a pair of footsteps coming around the corner stopped him in his tracks. Shit! He was supposed to leave silently, without a big fuss! If word got out on the streets that the demon Vice-Chief of the Shinsengumi was leaving Edo, there would be all kinds of trouble!

First, the Joui rebels that were targeting him would start a riot going after him, they might possibly attack citizens whom they thought were Hijikata, as they were currently doing, and if they were really angry and all they might even block railroads to keep him from getting out, which would hinder the city even more.

Second, the Shinsengumi members would start slacking off, thinking _'oh great Fukuchou isn't here lemme goof off!'_    No! Like hell he was letting that happen! Kondou had a list of excuses that Hijikata had took a long while to make earlier in the week, so when one excuse got old or something, he had another. Kondou also had arranged for a friend that looked like Hijikata in body and hair to come visit, so if Kondou made his look alike wear a Shinsengumi jacket and smoke and eat mayo, every one would be fooled into thinking it was him.

And lastly it would all around damage his reputation! _'Demon Vice-Chief of the Shinsengumi running away from his work because a few silly Joui members are after him!'_ He could see it on the news. People would make fun of him for _years_ to come. Sougo in particular.

Kondou and him had discussed it earlier, about how Hijikata would leave silently in the night (not really. It was still late afternoon) without any fuss or commotion in normal clothes and simple disguise. But he wouldn't be able to do that if Kondou didn't let him leave quietly.

Which was why he panicked, and before he knew it he had hit Kondou over the head really hard thinking _'I'm so sorry Kondou-san! I beg your forgiveness for my next actions!'_ grabbed his suitcases, and booked it. However he couldn't get far and had to hide behind the tree in the front area only meters away from the crime scene because whoever was coming was right around the corner.

And _fuck_ , it was just his luck that it was Sougo who found Kondou's body.

Sougo looked at Kondou, surprised. He stared at Kondou's half unconscious form for a quarter of a second and put his hand on his hilt. "Kondou-san, who did this to you? Tell me right now and I'll go kill them right away," he said monotonously, pulling his sword out of it's sheath.

"To. . .shi. . ." Konodu's lifeless body somehow said.

Sougo put his sword back in it's sheath and straightened up. "Oh, in that case, I'll go exterminate him." He pulled out a bazooka, and Hijikata had to scowl. Where in hell did he hide that stupid thing? Did he pull it out of his asshole? Did he have a compartment in his butt or something? If so, why didn't Hijikata have one as well? Why did Sougo have a bazooka up his ass while Hijikata had a fetus? It wasn't fair!

He was cut out of his internal tirade by something swishing loudly past him and going KABOOM right beside him. He startled, his whole body jumping visibly. Sougo just fired at Hijikata without even knowing who it was! He shot a hole in the Shinsengumi HQ wall! In broad daylight!

Hijikata blanched, but quickly realized that the smoke and hole in the wall were perfect ways to escape. If he could run away, the he'd be on his merry way to ~~his husband~~ Gintoki while Sougo scratched his ass like the dumb monkey he was.

He slung his bag so that it was lying comfortably around his body, and grabbed his suitcase in a way that wouldn't slow his down so that they wouldn't interfere much with his escape plan, and ran for it. It being the hole in the Shinsengumi wall, obviously.

Of course, he wasn't wearing his Shinsengumi outfit and was carrying what was clearly the Vice Chief's paper bag, so to any police officer, or anyone in general due to the circumstances, it would look something like he was a Joui member or spy coming to take down the Chief of the Shinsengumi and steal the Vice Chief's stuff.

Which is why he sprinted for his life while Sougo shot at him.

Luckily, after so long of avoiding Sougo's random attacks he knew that going in a straight fast line didn't help him in getting away from Sougo, so he zig zagged across the streets and alleys, trying to avoid citizens the whole time, but while mostly trying to get Sougo off his tail.

"Hey dorobo nii-san, I'm the only one that gets to steal Hijikata-san's stuff," Sougo called out behind him. He gritted his teeth and tried hiding his face as best as he could. Dorobo? He wasn't a god damn thief! A vein throbbed in his forehead.

But of course Sougo didn't know that, and if he did he probably would continue to shoot anyways because that was the type of annoying shit he was.

And what did he mean he was the only one who got to steal Hijikata's stuff? Like hell he was! Is that why he constantly was losing and misplacing his paperwork? Hijikata had a suspicion it was Sougo's doing, but he never thought that bastard would actually have the nerve! Then again, it was Sougo, Hijikata couldn't understand him just as much as he couldn't understand that Yorozuya. 

His head shot up, though he quickly ducked it to hide his face from being seen, and it was a good thing he did as a bomb would have hit him if he hadn't. He ran around it, panting, hearing other explosions and screams behind him. The Yorozuya! It wasn't far from where he was! If he could make it on that street, he could hide out at the Yorozuya household!

He made a quick turn, and was thankful a moment later as he heard he Sougo shoot at the place he just was at. Sougo was yelling things again, and Hijikata tried his best to tune out the taunts and provocative remarks, though he wanted to turn around and defend his honour, go up and hit that bastard a few times, he knew it was exactly what the little shit wanted. He wanted Hijikata to get angry and go after him, because then he'd have an excuse to cut up his prey. A few more blasts went off dangerously close behind him, and he ran as fast as he could.

So Hijikata gritted his teeth and continued running, making a quick turn in an alley and a few sharp turns, hearing explosions everywhere and scowled. Damn, that Sougo was good. He finally was at one of the bigger Kabukichou streets, and it was good because after all that sprinting and running, he was exhausted.

He slowed to a jog, thinking Sougo wouldn't dare shoot at him in a place full of citizens and civilians, please even that bastard had that much common sense, but he was proved wrong as a moment later he felt something being thrown right into his hands. He looked at it, funny it looked like a bomb.

A bomb?! He spun it, and looked at the timer. 03:00, 02:00, he chucked it as high as he could and ran, hearing screams as it exploded in the air.

He was fuming now, how dare that Sougo? Shamelessly shooting his own barracks, shamelessly shooting the town he was supposed to be protecting, shamelessly throwing a _bomb_ into an area of crowded people?! Death to him! Hijikata would make him commit seppuku right away! Bastards like him don't deserve to live!

After a moment in which he heard no explosions --though that might have been just him, his ears were still ringing from all the previous explosions so close to him-- he slowed his pace, out of breath. He was the demon Fukuchou of the Shinsengumi, and he had great stamina, but he didn't run a lot. Except when he was chasing after Katsura, the Joui rebel, but those chases were more hide and seek than tag.

Hijikata tentatively looked behind him, expecting to see a bomb or something of the likes headed straight toward him, because this was Sougo, and if Sougo is quiet for a moment while chasing you he's probably planning something horrifyingly destructive and explosive, but when he saw what was behind him he stopped running.

Sougo was at the dango shop he and Gintoki frequented.

Buying dango.

Hijikata stood there for a moment. He was angry, seriously angry at the bastard, because what if he had been an actual Joui rebel? Sougo was lucky it was Hijikata and not an actual terrorist, because if he stopped to buy dango in a real chase, he'd lose the target no matter how good his skills were.

Hijikata fumed even more when he saw Sougo _sit down._ He was buying dango in the middle of a chase, and it _wasn't even to go_? No, he was sitting in and enjoying his food?

Hijikata paused. For a few moments he was completely unsure whether or not to go back and hit that cocky brat or continue to his child's father. But when he turned around and looked at Sougo sitting at the dango shop, he thought of Gintoki and turned away. Gintoki or the cocky brat? None, but right now he'd take his chances with Gintoki.

 

 

As he continued on his way to Gintoki's place, he didn't see Sougo smirk behind his stick of dango.

 

He also didn't hear him whisper, "Good bye Hijikata-san. I hope all the running didn't harm your and Danna's baby."

 

 

 

                                                                                          

 

 

 

Right, his send off wasn't anywhere as dramatic as the Yorozuya's.

 

Hijikata let out a breath of relief as they made their way into the central train station, in the middle of Edo, conveniently near the Terminal. Gintoki was right about the timing, five minutes later and they wouldn't have been able to board their train as it would be long gone.

As the two of them made their way onto the train, Hijikata took a good look around the train.

It was a sleeper car, which meant that the train would be heading where ever overnight. He and Gintoki had a little section to themselves, it wasn't a fancy bedroom but it had a privacy curtain at least. And two beds, thank god. It also had a restaurant car in the back as well as some sitting cars and luggage cars.

It wasn't a five star train, but it was pretty decent. It smelled clean, and there were no spiders or cockroaches in plain sight, he was fine with it. Hijikata looked up at Gintoki, hoping to see his reaction, did he approve? Did he dislike? But he was as blank faced as ever.

It irritated him, not being able to see what the perm head thought of things. He was so good at reading people, he could read even the toughest of masks on any of the Joui members, he could read countless of blank faced people, but not this perm headed idiot, and that pissed him off.

Before he could get sucked into a spiral of never ending thoughts, Gintoki startled him. "So? Where do we go?"

That brought him back to reality. "Uh, we are 36 and 37," he recited from memory. Gintoki nodded and cooly continued. Hijikata walked behind him, shifting a little as his carry on bag was really starting to dig into his arm after all that time, and followed Gintoki till he stopped.

He didn't even ask Hijikata if it was the one, he just walked into it and sat down on one of the sofas.

Hijikata followed him in, keeping the curtain open. He sat across Gintoki, and it was awkward in no time. Gintoki put his bags under the sofa while Hijikata did the same, being overly conscious as to not bump heads or brush hands or something.

They both looked around for a moment. There area was small, not big but a good size for two single males. There were windows across the door, though they were tinted as to not let any body see in from outside. There were two sofa-chair things across each other, and on the wall above them was a pull-out bed and ladder. Washrooms were down the hall, they both saw them when they were getting in.

They hadn't even left yet and the silence was killing Hijikata. He didn't bring any entertainment, he didn't think it would be needed on a recruiting trip/pregnancy hideaway.

Just when he thought the silence was too thick to bear, Gintoki pulled out a Jump from his yukata, lied down on the sofa bench, and began reading.

That lessened Hijikata's feelings of awkwardness. If Gintoki and he had to awkwardly stare at each other the whole time, he would explode. But if Gintoki was busy distracting himself, then he wouldn't feel the pressure an awkward silence puts on him.

Hijikata busied himself looking out the window with his normal tough look, and found it to be quite relaxing. A few announcement went off, which Hijikata paid half attention too, only listening when the voice said they were leaving and to please remain seated until they left the area or whatever.

Just before the train started to move, Gintoki looked at Hijikata. And because he was the overly conscious person he was, he stiffened obviously.

 _'This is going to be a long trip,'_ they both thought.

 

 

 


	7. One Should Always Have Something Sensational to Read on a Train

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The long, awkward train ride

 

Even though there were countless announcements saying _'The train is about to move, so all you guys lying down like bums get up or you will fall_ ' (though obviously it wasn't worded like that) Gintoki didn't seem to hear any of them, and continued reading his Jump, sprawled carelessly on the seat like the couch potato he was.

Either that or he was too lazy to move.

Either way, when the train started moving, he simply fell off the seat.

Hijikata, not expecting him to fucking fall off like a sack of useless dead weight, startled visibly. He heard a 'oomph' sound before he felt a warm weight on his shoe, and looked down to see Gintoki's arm resting on his foot.  His instincts took over, and before he knew it, he was kicking the Yorozuya bastard in the side, muttering a gruff "Get off".

Gintoki looked at him blankly for a second before getting up, muttering "Ouch" under his breath. Luckily, he didn't seem to care about the sudden show of violence from Hijikata and continued to read his Jump. 

Hijikata turned to look out of the window. He watched people pass, he watched stores and shops pass, he watched the city he strived everyday to protect pass before his eyes.

The reality of his situation was only now hitting him int he gut. Sure he had thought about it and thought about it and thought about it, the trip with Gintoki to the far countryside, but only now was he actually on the train.

He was on a train with Gintoki. The Yorozuya bastard. Going to a town far away in the middle of no where, away from Edo, away from the Shinsengumi, away from his whole life.

With the Yorozuya bastard.

Gintoki moved his Jump, putting it over his face as he lied down lazily, which made this situation seem so goddamn real.

Hijikata looked at him closely now that he was lying down, sure that Gintoki couldn't see through paper with X-Ray vision or something. Gintoki looked relaxed, like he didn't have a care in the world, but after he looked closely, he saw that his muscles were all taut and firm, like he was ready to get up and go anytime. His bokken was on his waist, and due to the position he was lying in it was clear after a moment of looking that Gintoki was literally ready to fight.

He watched Gintoki's hand slump down from his stomach, to on the side of his waist, right above his bokken, and that only confirmed his thoughts that Gintoki was prepared to fight. Hijikata looked over at his sword, which was hiding in his carry-on as citizens weren't allowed to carry a sword and he was pretending to be a citizen, and wished he could have it by his side as well.

Hijikata looked outside, and tried not to let his mind wander, if he started having strange thoughts again it could take a few hours before he snapped out of his episode. He looked out the window and tried to clear his head, itching for a smoke. Unfortunately, this was a no smoking train, so that wasn't allowed, which meant Hijikata would have to suffer without his nicotine for a while. At least he had his mayonnaise, which he packed a lot of in his carry-on. The thought of having his mayonnaise nearby really helped him.

Sighing, he glanced at the dead fish eyed bastard, who seemed as relaxed-stiff as before. He heard soft sounds coming from behind the paper, and his breathing was patterned and solid, he was most likely asleep or somewhere near that.

Hijikata tried to do the same, not sleep, but relax his body for a bit.

 

 

 

 

Hijikata's back hurt.

That wasn't the only part of him that hurt too. His ass was so numb he couldn't feel it and he shaked his foot, trying to get some blood flowing back into it. Sighing, he realized that it had been a while since he got up, and really needed to use the washroom.

The Yorozuya bastard was still lying there, his bokken still millimeters from his grasp, his body still firm and tensed. Did he sleep like that? That wasn't possible. It was one thing to sleep with a frown, glare or scowl, like Hijikata, but to sleep with a tensed, taut body? Was he having a nightmare? Was it a natural thing, like snoring or sleeping with an open mouth? Or was it something self taught? Could Gintoki please teach Hijikata how he did that? It would really help him with his issue of Sougo sneaking in to his room in the middle of the night.

Hijikata got up, feeling weird in the strange normal clothes. He was so used to being in his Shinsengumi outfit at this hour, his body knew something was different.

He stretched, not even realizing that he had a baby in his stomach and stretching like that couldn't possibly be healthy for it in any way or form.

Trying not to make too much noise, he stepped out of his and Gintoki's quarters He pushed the curtain back shut as he left, not noticing how Gintoki's body relaxed slightly as he exited the room.

 

 

 

 

After doing his business in the washroom, he decided against going back to the room. It would probably just be another awkward lonely silence, and even if Gintoki woke up it wouldn't be any less lonely. It would probably be even more lonely, if that was possible, not to mention awkward. So Hijikata decided to go to the main sitting room.

He walked down the corridors of the train, almost losing his balance when the train turned a little. He made his way in to the room, taking in his surroundings.

Their were quite a few seats, most of them empty, but their were a few people in the front. The floor was clean tile, the seats looked a little old but still in good condition, and the interior was simple but looked good. This was much better than the little hole where he and Gintoki were sleeping.

Hijikata took a seat near the middle, across a couple but by himself. He didn't want to talk to anybody, he couldn't talk to anybody really, what with his poor social skill and all. He rested his head against the back of the seat, and looked outside.

He had only rested for an hour or so earlier, so it wasn't too late, maybe 8:30 to 9:00. It was dark outside, not too dark like the middle of the nigh but any trace of the sun was gone. Within a few weeks, that would change however, as the days were getting longer and longer as the summer season approached.

Hijikata looked around, hoping he could find a smoking area, but sighed in despair when he saw the numerous no smoking signs hanging everywhere. God, he'd really like a smoke! His nicotine addiction was quite bad, and if he continued to think about it he'd soon e suffering from his withdrawal symptoms, which weren't pleasant for anybody.

Trying to distract himself, he remembered his mayonnaise back in his carry-on. However if he wanted to go get it he'd have to leave and go back to the room with that lazy dead fish eyed Gintoki, and he didn't want to. Plus, he was comfortable, or as comfortable as he could be, and didn't want to get up. But a smoke. . . he had the cigarettes and a lighter on him right now! Sighing, he tried to watch other people to make himself forget about the smokes he wasn't allowed to have.

His gaze fell on an elderly woman to his right, who looked to be sleeping against the window.  Near her was a female in a nurse suit, who was anxiously glancing at her watch every few seconds. Across them was a young boy, who was reading what Hijikata realized was the same issue of Jump that Gintoki had, the cover image of Gintaman was the exact same. Hijikata scoffed to himself. Trust that idiot to have the same reading interests as a young boy.

There was a teenage girl texting on her phone, and a few middle aged men sitting on both sides of her. Hijikata stiffened, he wasn't sure if they were protecting her or if she needed protection from them. Even if he was out of duty, he'd protect civilians if they needed help. If he saw any sign of them pressuring or hurting the girl, he'd get up. His body relaxed as she leaned over to one of them and whispered, and did the same to the one on the other side, they seemed to be her company, not perverts intending to do R rated things to her when no one was looking.

He looked to his left, where fewer people sat. There was a pimply glasses wearing kid listening to music, and an overweight woman chewing something. There were a group of young females in a corner, whispering and giggling to themselves, and an innocent little girl holding the hand of a blushing little boy across them.

The only other people in this room where the couple across him and himself.

None of the people interested him, but he looked at the couple in front of him. The girl was wearing odd clothes, they looked quite boyish, and she didn't seem to have a large, or any chest. Still, the man, a dark haired bespectacled guy in his early twenties, seemed smitten.

Hijikata tried to stare as un-obviously as he could to try to figure out the mystery behind their relationship to pass time.

 

He stared, trying to listen to what they were saying, and leaned forward a little.

". . .Mother will be so happy, she always wanted grandchildren," the man was saying. "I'm so glad that the parasite got you pregnant with my child," he said with a smile.

The girl wrapped her arms around his neck, and the guy wrapped his around her thin but wide for a girl hips. He glanced away, and focused on the wall beside them, feeling his face flush a little at the intimacy in their eyes. Clearly they were in love and in their honeymoon stage, Hijikata prayed they wouldn't start doing R rated things in front of everybody as most couples did.

"Male pregnancy is a great thing," said the girl, a smile evident in her voice.

Hijikata stiffened. That voice couldn't have belonged to a girl, it was way too deep, and what the hell did she just say? Male pregnancy?

Eyes wide, he looked the 'girl' up and down closely, and his heart almost stopped in his chest when he noticed something he hadn't before.

'She' had a lump, a package where no woman had anything. She was a he. This was a gay couple.

Shocked at his new discovery, he watched the couple with a ton of questions in his head. What? He knew gay couples existed, but he assumed they all were hiding in the depths of the ocean or something? The smaller guy was pregnant? Just like him? Because of the parasite? The couple was happy? Could this be him and Gintoki in the future?

His heart almost stopped at his last thought. No, no no no no, he shouldn't have such bad, nasty, dirty thought like that. Him and the Yorozuya bastard being a happy, lovey couple? No way. They weren't like that, they'd be a physical couple, that always had a lot of sex--NOT THE POINT. Why was he having such thoughts?! Hijikata was disgusted at himself. And god damn it all, _why was he blushing?_

After erasing all those thoughts out of his mind (for the time being) he looked back at the couple, intending to observe this strange occurrence, when he heard the door open.

And in walked the Yorozuya bastard.

Hijikata stiffened. Now, _now_ of all times? When he'd just finished having strange thoughts about him?

Gintoki yawned, scratching the back of his hair. He sighed, his eyes half lidded and looking as dead as usual. His red lined black shirt looked the same as ever, and his yukata was worn on one shoulder, as usual. His bokken was still around his waist, and he all around looked normal. he walked through the train like he was walking through the streets of Kabukichou, that confidence and unfaltering blank gaze that sweeped everything and saw everything. He looked so normal.

That didn't stop Hijikata from blushing furiously, remembering his thoughts just moments ago. How ridiculous! This lazy, dead fish eyed permy bastard being all lovey dovey with him, the demon vice-chief of the Shinsengumi? What a joke. They were a match made in hell, and he knew it. They would never work out in a relationship. Ever.

Hijikata gave himself a moment to list all the reasons they wouldn't work out, while Gintoki scouted the area as he did previously. First, he couldn't love a guy. No way. Absolutely not. Out of the question. Second, if he did ever love a guy, it most definitely would not be this lazy bastard. Third, he couldn't ever love someone with a perm. Fourth, certainly not somebody with dead fish eyes like his. Fifth, did Gintoki even have feelings? Was he capable of feeling like romantic feelings? Was Hijikata?

Lastly, Mitsuba.

That last thought brought his mood crashing down. Mitsuba, the only person he loved romantically. He loved her so much, but--

"Yo," Gintoki said, plopping down beside Hijikata. Hijikata jumped, startled out of his thoughts, when did Gintoki sneak up on him? Why was he sitting so close to Hijikata?

"Don't sit so close to me," Hijikata grumbled. Gintoki looked at him blankly before turning away dismissively. It only took a moment for Gintoki to look at the couple in front of them, and his brows furrowed. Hijikata realized that Gintoki had a lot more experience with cross dressing and males that looked like females and vise versa, so he'd notice that the smaller one was a boy quite easily.

Hijikata felt the need to say something. "Ah. . . they're a g-gay couple. The smaller one is p-pregnant," he muttered, face red and turned away from Gintoki, willing his thought not to go on their previous tracks please.

Gintoki's brow furrowed a bit more, and before he knew it Gintoki was standing up and moving towards them.

Hijikata startled. His hand reached out to grab Gintoki's wrist. "Oi! What do you think you're doing?"

"I'm gonna talk to 'em," Gintoki turned and looked at him with an expression that read 'duh'.

"Talk to them? And what will you say?" he hissed. Gintoki better not be thinking about telling them that Hijikata was pregnant as well and bonding over that. He didn't want anybody to know he was pregnant.

"Don' know," Gintoki said blankly, and stood there.

Hijikata scowled, first angry then confused as to why Gintoki was just standing there. Then his gaze flickered to his hand and he blushed, recoiling.

His hand was holding Gintoki's wrist, he hadn't let go. How embarrassing! Luckily, Gintoki didn't seem to care much and once his wrist was free of Hijikata's hand he went over and sat by the couple, taking a seat not far away from the smaller one.

His expression changed, from blank to a more relaxed, casual expression. The change was small but noticeable in his demeanor and voice. Hijikata strained his ears to listen to them.

"Hello," he started politely.

The man and boy turned to look at him. "Oh, hello," said the male.

"My name is Gintoki. I noticed that the two of you were both males," he said openly, voice free of any mockery or judge mental tones.

Still the bigger male stiffened, his face hardening. "Yes?" His tone was sharp, and the message was clear. He wouldn't take any shit for being gay.

"See that guy right there?" Gintoki pointed to Hijikata, who blinked in surprise. "He's my uke."

Hijikata flushed.

The couple looked at Gintoki before they turned to him. The two of them looked Hijikata up and down, and though he didn't look as fearsome as he did in his Shinsengumi uniform, he still looked unapproachable and scary. "He's your uke?" the smaller asked.

"Yep," Gintoki casually nodded.

Hijikata was angry, though no less than he was embarrassed. Getting up, he stormed over to Gintoki with a flushed face and grabbed his collar, pulling him upward. "You bastard," he hissed angrily. "Why the HELL would you--" Gintoki cut him off.

"Calm down, Oogushi-kun--"

"My name isn't Oogushi!"

"What's the harm? It's not like we'll ever see them again, and they seem to be in the same situation as us," Gintoki pointed towards the smaller boy's belly. The way the, erm, uke of the couple was sitting made it quite clear that he had a notice able bump on his stomach.

Hijikata, face redder than ever, threw Gintoki back down onto the seat and 'Cheh'-ed loudly at them before leaving. Like hell he wanted to be apart of that conversation.

 

 

 

 

Hijikata stormed angrily into his and Gintoki's room thing and pulled his bed down, the light vibration of the train making him fall asleep much easier than he ever would have before. Or maybe that was the pregnancy.

Either way, when he woke up he had a blanket on him, when he clearly remembered pushing the blanket off to the side last night.

He flushed, realizing Gintoki must have put it on him during the night. How embarrassing! He wasn't a child, nor his girlfriend! Luckily for him, Gintoki was still sleeping, so he didn't have to deal with the awkward awkwardness of talking to Gintoki and such.

Hijikata climbed off his bed quietly, wanting to brush his teeth as he forgot to the night before. He took his mayonnaise flavored toothpaste and toothbrush and left for the washroom, sighing and stretching.

There was only a single toilet and it was occupied, so Hijikata waited outside, trying to rub the sleep from his eyes and face. God, he needed a smoke! Or at least some mayonnaise.

Finally, whoever was in the washroom came out and Hijikata stared.

Just his luck.

It was the male from yesterday.

He ducked his head, feeling his face flush. Damn, why had Gintoki told them he was pregnant? And calling Hijikata his uke so blatantly and openly, how dare he?

It was awkward.

Dammit, it was awkward. Hijikata tried his best not to look at the male, who was staring at him.

"Ah," he grumbled after a moment. "Are you done?" His voice was gruff, and seemed to snap the guy out of his staring.

"Ah, sorry," he said, leaving the washroom.

Hijikata was quick to walk in, and even quicker to shut the door. Great, now he was curious! What the hell had Gintoki said to him last night?

Taking his time brushing his teeth, he heard unfamiliar voices outside and quickly finished. When he walked back to the room, Gintoki was up and shutting the window. Hijikata stared, not sure why the window had been opened in the first place, as it was closed when he left the room to brush his teeth just minutes ago.

Gintoki saw his questioning stare and explained. "I brushed my teeth 'nd spit out the window," he gestured towards the used toothbrush, toothpaste and nearly empty bottle of water.

Hijikata stared a moment longer, wondering how that would work, before shaking his head and grabbing his carry-on. His ticket said the train ride would be from 7:00 PM to 8:30 AM the next day, and it was currently past 8.

Gintoki amused himself with some Jump while Hijikata bounced his leg. Finally, after a long terrible silence it came.

'Attention to all passengers, the train is arriving at ****** Station, the train is arriving at ******* Station. Please pack up your belongings and wait until the train is fully stopped to leave.' Or something, Hijikata couldn't hear it very well over the pounding of his heart.

Finally, their trip would start.

 

 


	8. You Don't Know What You've Got Till It's Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they stop, settle, and meet a doctor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I haven't updated in forever and its nothing but a sucky filler I am so horrible I am so sorry but I've got finals tomorrow and wanted to post this before they started so I'm sorry expect better things from me in the future

 

 

Gintoki took his bags and walked away from the train station. Hijikata followed behind, scrambling to carry all his stuff while fixing his shoe.

On their way out of the train, he saw a couple in front of them link hands and of course, he looked up and it just _had_ to be the gay couple.

His face flushed, but they were busy having a conversation with each other and didn't notice Gintoki and Hijikata behind them. Gintoki was watching them with a somewhat serious (as serious as Gintoki could get, he guessed) expression on his face, so Hijikata also tried looking at them, to see what he was so intently staring at.

The couple didn't seem to be doing anything. They were just idly talking, until the smaller guy leaned up on his toes and kissed the big male.

On the lips.

In front of everybody.

Hijikata stumbled a little in shock, sure his face was a dark red. He looked at Gintoki, not sure what kind of reaction he was expecting, maybe disgust or surprise, but he was the one who was surprised when he saw Gintoki look normal. Happy, even.

What? _Why?_ Wasn't Gintoki disgusted? Shouldn't he be disgusted? Two males just kissed right in front of him, and he looked _normal._ Like it didn't bother him.

Suddenly, a thought ran into Hijikata's head that made his face pale extremely before turning an extremely dark shade of red. It couldn't be that Gintoki was. . . expecting Hijikata to do such things? To hold his hand and kiss him? Gintoki thought he would?

No. No, no no no no no. Absolutely impossible. Definitely not. By no means. No way. Not at all. Never. Unimaginable. Out of the question. _No._

But if he did. . .

"Oi," Gintoki said, startling the raven haired man out of his thoughts. "Where are we going?"

Hijikata stopped walking and looked around. Sometime during the last few minutes they had left the train station and were aimlessly walking down a random path. Hah? Since when? Hijikata wondered how that managed to slip his mind.

And wait, what? Gintoki was just randomly leading them no where? He didn't have a plan or something?

"I thought you knew where you were going!" Hijikata said after a moment in which he found his voice. "Where the hell were you walking to then? Walking randomly without a plan or anything?"

Gintoki looked at him blankly. "Dunno. I thought you'd have something," he said while shoving a pinky in his nose. Hijikata felt a vein throb. He was about to say something or hit the bastard but he remembered the papers in his carry on. He put his bag down and fished inside for them, pulling them out when he found it.

"Ah, Kondou-san gave me this a while ago. He told me to use this, it's his list of where he went the last time he went recruiting, but with a few updates." Opening the folded pieces of papers, he was about to skim them when Gintoki's voice startled him.

"Hm, the last time he went recruiting? Ya mean when you joined the Shinsengumi?" 

Hijikata startled a little, "The last time. . . um, yeah." It surprised him how Gintoki knew that.

"So what's on it? I'm guessing it's cabaret clubs and bars, right?" Hijikata looked down, and sweat dropped when he realized majority of it was bars and other places of the like. Well, it was before he met Otae-san, so that wasn't too surprising.

"Uh. . ." He scrambled to think of something, the situation was too awkward for him to handle, when he remembered something else. "Harada made a list of dojos and stuff as well, it probably would have something we could use," he said grabbing the other paper in the other pocket.

"Hm, so what do even do on these trips?" Gintoki asked, finger in his nose. "And why did Gorilla send us here, to the middle of nowhere?"

Hijikata had no answer to the second question, but the first he could do. "Well, I know that when Kondou-san does this, he usually starts in the the rural areas of Japan or small towns and goes to a dojo or something. Usually, they have a lot of men and kids who want to become samurai, but can't because of the Amanto. It's most of these people that like to join the Jouishishi and other terrorist groups.

"But we have to convince them that they should join the Shinsengumi instead, and usually we train them for a while. I know that Kondou-san had to go to a few dojos because some of them were closed because of Amanto influences, others were already influenced by Jouishishi, it's quite hard to find one that is still running and that would join the Amanto rather than defend Japan from them."

Hijikata took a breath, somewhat anxious for Gintoki's reply. "Ah, really?"

A vein throbbed int his forehead. He gave a speech, and that's his reply? That--

"Why don't you hold interviews instead? I know the Jouishishi does that," Gintoki lazily remarked.

Hijikata blinked. "Well, ah, that's still being looked into, but we don't because it's much easier for Joui members and spies to infiltrate us that way. Basically, the people we recruit from the middle of Japan are less likely to be Joui spies and all."

Gintoki let out a bizarre humming noise and yawned. He didn't look like he was listening, and that pissed Hijikata off.

"Ah, I'm tired and there is a hotel three blocks ahead and one to our right, lets go there and sleep."

Hijikata wasn't sure if he should hit him or ask how he knew that. Never the less, he followed Gintoki the next few blocks and was glad to see that he was right, there was a hotel nearby, and better it wasn't a love hotel, because he didn't care if it was a matter of life or death, he would not be seen entering a love hotel with Gintoki.

Gintoki went to the desk up front to get them a room, but not before taking some money from Hijikata, which also pissed him off because Gintoki was being paid handsomely to do this, he could spare three thousand yen for a single room for himself, but Hijikata gave him the money anyway so that he wouldn't do something mortifying like whining or throwing a tantrum in public. He would totally do it, and they both knew it.

After a few minutes, Gintoki came back and gave him a card. "Ah, I got us a Western style room," he said, finger in his nose. 

Hijikata scowled. "Two different rooms, I presume?" 

"Nope," Gintoki flicked the booger he picked out to the side--disgusting-- and scratched his stomach like the caveman he was. "You didn't give me enough money."

"That was more than enough!" he yelled, ten thousand should have been enough for four of the best rooms in this hotel, what did he mean there wasn't enough money?

"Ah, but some of it was taken as delivery fee and transitioning fee," Gintoki commented, and Hijikata could see the crisp thousand yen bills poking out from behind his yukata. 

"What delivery fee?! And what the hell is the transitioning fee for? You took three steps to the cash register, why would I pay you for that?! And isn't that the same as the delivery fee?!"

"Nope, they're different. The delivery fee-"

"I don't care about the delivery fee!" he snapped, pissed the hell out of his mind. Storming to the elevator as well as he could with his bags, he angrily pushed the up button repeatedly, furiously tapping his foot as he waited for it to come down to the first floor from the fourth. 

Gintoki lazily strolled beside him and Hijikata was pretty much just stomping now. The lady at the front desk looked a little worried, but more scared. 

Finally the elevator opened, and Hijikata didn't care that he elbowed some fat lady as he angrily walked in. He also didn't care that his bag hit someone in the crotch, and that his other bag knocked somebody out. Gintoki stepped over their bodies and kicked the foot that was blocking the elevator door from closing while Hijikata angrily took his anger out on the buttons. 

"We're on the eighth floor," Gintoki commented after Hijikata pressed every number from one to ten.

"You're supposed to tell me those types of things beforehand!" he roared.

 

 

 

 

It was a long awkward silence as they stood in the elevator. As the door opened on the third floor, a man tried to get in, but Hijikata pressed the 'close doors' button repeatedly until the door shut, leaving the man there, frightened by the look on Hijikata's face, waiting for the next elevator. 

The same thing happened on the fourth, fifth and sixth floors. Finally, the door opened to the eight floor and Hijikata made his way to the number on his card, the 802nd door, and went inside. 

It was a decent, nice and good looking room, not some high class luxury suite but a nice, clean room with clean bed sheets, refreshing complimentary soaps, a little teapot and instant coffee maker, as well as a TV. Hijikata was glad that Gintoki chose a Western style room, because the beds looked comfortable.

And so, he dumped his stuff beside the bed near the window, pulled the curtains shut, turned the lights off and ~~flopped~~ laid gracefully onto the bed.

Gintoki stood in the doorway for a moment and sighed before walking over to put a blanket on his pregnant moody partner. Gintoki was glad he chose a Western style room, because if Hijikata staggered onto a futon in the same fashion of which he flopped onto the bed like Gintoki knew he would, their child would not be alive anymore, to say the least.

 

 

 

 

When Hijikata woke up, he immediately tried to fall back asleep because he didn't have work, he was comfortable, warm and just feeling great for once, the soft mattress and pillows just removed all the stress that came from being the vice captain of the Shinsengumi and he loved it, wouldn't mind just sleeping the rest of his life away.

But no, that perm headed bastard kicked his bed, making it wobble a little. "Get up," he demanded. "I know you're awake. Geez, I knew you were tired, but I didn't think you were _this_ tired." 

Hijikata was awake and ready for a fight. "What do you mean, you knew I was tired?" he demanded groggily, grabbing at the water bottle Gintoki tossed at him.

"You were all fidgety in your sleep last night and got up so many times that even I couldn't sleep well. And your pregnant too, so I knew you'd be exhausted after a little walking," he said, but Hijikata caught his silent next line. _'Why else do you think I brought you here?'_

A light blush found its way to his face. "W-Well, its the hormones," he mumbled, because yeah, lets be super mature and blame this on the hormones.

"Anyway, just get up," Gintoki tugged at the blanket covering Hijikata and left to the washroom, leaving Hijikata to realize that yet again, he had fallen asleep without a blanket and woke up with one on him.

The obvious explanation here is Gintoki, which means that basically Gintoki was treating him like his wife, bringing him to a hotel when he was tired, getting him a super comfortable bed to sleep on, putting a blanket over him, and Hijikata looked down and blushed, even _changing_ him.

Confused and embarrassed as hell, Hijikata got up to put some clothes on, because Gintoki apparently stripped him to his boxers during his sleep, and holy fuck that was embarrassing. Hijikata looked closely at his body, inspecting it to make sure Gintoki didn't do anything strange to him in his sleep because that man was a pervert and he'd be damned if he let Gintoki touch ~~that ass~~ him, relieved there was no hickeys or drying cum or anything.

Hijikata sighed and looked outside, opening the curtains. What? What the hell? It was almost sunset? Hijikata had slept the entire day? Why the hell did Gintoki leave him to sleep through the entire day? Again, Gintoki was treating Hijikata very differently than how he normally did, any other day he'd kick Hijikata awake after a few minutes for some obnoxious cry of 'I'm bored,' or 'I'm hungry,' or 'I want a parfait,'.

Hijikata got dressed and awkwardly stood there for a moment unsure what to do, he was completely swept up into Gintoki's pace, normally he'd be the one leading but he didn't even know why he felt like waiting for Gintoki to come out of the washroom and talk to him.

Finally, Hijikata heard a toilet flush. There was the sound of water running and then Gintoki came out.

"Man, that was a big shit," he grumbled, pissing Hijikata off almost immediately. Why the hell did he need to know that?

"Ne, Hijikata, grab your purse, we're goin' out," Gintoki called as he headed out the door.

"W-wait!" he called as he put on his sandals, grabbing his wallet and Shinsengumi badge. He grabbed his katana by instinct, but remembered that he couldn't bring it with him and reluctantly put it away.

He ran to catch up with Gintoki, who was waiting patiently in front of the elevators. He ran to catch up as Gintoki got in one, and fumed as he saw Gintoki deliberately press the 'close doors' button. Asshole!

Finally, he made it in just before it shut, and was about to give Gintoki a piece of his mind when he noticed a woman and her young son in there glaring daggers at the two of them for no particular reason and made the wise choice of keeping his mouth shut, but not before looking to Gintoki, who was relaxed, leaning against the wall like it was his home.

As they heard the elevator door open, they all got out, and Hijikata followed Gintoki outside.

 

 

 

 

"So, where are we?" Hijikata asked suspiciously.

"The doctors office."

"Why are we here?"

Gintoki gave him a funny look. "To get you checked of course."

A vein throbbed in Hijikata's forehead.

" _What_ makes you think I need to be _checked_?"

Gintoki gave him a funny look. "I don't know, maybe the fetus growing inside of you?"

Hijikata opened his mouth to retort but closed it after a moment. Oh yeah. That thing. He totally forgot about it because Gintoki hadn't said or done anything really, but was acting like he didn't even realize or care that Hijikata was pregnant and so he did the same, how embarrassing. He settled with giving Gintoki a harsh glare, which the latter ignored.

Gintoki led him inside and walked up to the counter, Hijikata awkwardly following behind him. "Appointment for Sakata Gintoki," he heard him say, and what? Gintoki booked an appointment? What the hell? _When?_ It took him a minute to realize that it was probably during the 9 hours he slept for.

It took them just a minute to be ushered into a room, but he took the time to look around and familiarize himself with the place. it was clean, pristine and very nice, it was a place that he'd never think Gintoki would be at, but who knows. Hijikata followed his partner through the halls until they reached a room and stepped in with a knock. There was a man sitting there typing on a computer, and turned to face them when they walked in.

"Ah, Sakata you're here. Please, take a seat."

Hah? Sakata? Who ever heard a doctor being so familiar with a patient at their first meeting?

"Ah, thanks, Sensei. He's the one who I was talking about," Gintoki pointed a thumb at Hijikata who was trying to make sense of the familiarity between the two. What? This wasn't their first meeting? Seriously, booking an appointment Hijikata understood, but becoming friends with the doctor? Was Gintoki even human?

"Hm, this is Hijikata-san." At least the doctor was polite enough to add an honorific to his name. "Hello Hijikata-san, I'm Dr. Tokugawa, a specialist in Amanto parasites. You may have seen me on TV recently, talking about MPREG28, the male pregnancy virus going around. If I'm not wrong, you are supposedly infected with it too, right?"

Hijikata blinked. "Uh, yeah."

"Very good. Would you mind if I used your data anonymously for my study?"

"Uh, no, not really, as long as its anonymous."

"Good, good. First things first, take off your clothes."

 

 

 

 

It took a lot time before they finished the appointment. It didn't help that Gintoki was an ass and laughed at the side rather than explaining that he was about to take a scan to confirm the pregnancy, or that he was feeling up the child not Hijikata's chest. Finally the initial scans and checks were over and Hijikata was surprised at the efficiency of this place.

It only took a few minutes for Dr. Tokugawa to come back with the pictures.

"You see this here, that little white spot? That's your child. Its still in the first stage, but male pregnancy is shorter than females so expect rapid growth. I'll fill you in about that later. More importantly," Dr. Tokugawa stopped to stare at Hijikata dead in the eyes.

"You need to stop smoking. Doctor's order's. Effective immediately."

"Haah?" Hijikata snorted at the idea. Him, without his smokes? No way. It was an awkward silence in which the doctor and Gintoki stared at him and Hijikata's heart beat quickened.

Him?? Without smokes?? 

He felt like he'd be sick.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I'm so sorry for the horrible quality and shitty writing that is this chapter. Literally.

**Author's Note:**

> If you guys have any thing you wish to see in this fanfic, such as a cetain scene or more of like cranky Hijikata or something or whatever, please write a comment! I'll try to add it in some where. I'd love to know what you liked and disliked as well :)


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